TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 19 March 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, Jan. 11. Drawn by the magnet of old memories. Thomas, the ex-forenmn lighterman, now a, pensioner of the Port of London Authority, took his trusted walking stick which supports his lame leg, and set out to see how the younger. generation was dealing with commerce at the docks below the Tower Rridge. Very soon Thomas learned that things are not as they were. He walked along the shore side- in the hope of meeting old friends, so he said, and after criticising new buildings along the river front, lie found the waterway blocked at Battle, Bridge lane, S.E.

And here it was that 'P.C. IDO AT. came into the story, the continuation of which was heard before Mr Powell, the magistrate, at Towel' Bridge Police Court yesterday. “Take your hat off,” ordered the gaoler as Thomas tacked into court with his howler hat pinned to the past, oml. as the old lighterman declined to lower his colours,. the gaoler deftly removed the hat and steered Thomas towards the dock. P.C. 190 M", who entered the witness box as one suffering from :i gnawing grievance, said with some reeling Hint lie found Thomas held up by the river traffic and using very had language to passers-by, one of whom lie hit over the head with liis walking stick. “What sort of language?” inquired the magistrate. “Mixed, very mixed.” replied the constable, who went on to say that Thomas, while being arrested, threw himself on the ground, caught hold of his (the officer’s) legs, and threw him to the ground, and he (Thomas) had to he taken to the police station in the ambulance.

“That is all a lot of lies,” exclaimed Thomas stumping to the witness-box.

“Now I will describe it. The constable goL me by the shoulder when i was just having a look round, and I thought lie was doing it for the pictures.” Thomas was demonstrating his evidence liy waving Ins stick in the air, when the usher, skilfully dodging a devt.istating sweep ordered," Put your stick down and behave yoursell.” “Right, I’ve finished,” said Thumps. "Then get out of the box,” said the usher. “Bless my heart,” protested Thomas, “f am an old man. not a sprinter.” “Years ago ho used to come here,” remarked the gaoler reminiscently. ••Now. that’s a 1 nice thing,” declared Thomas. “Wliut do you mean by years? Let me tel! you that ” “Fifteen shillings.” decided the magistrate. “Fifteen ” ejaculated Thomas. “1 reckon you ought to give me a hit. Where’s my lmt? The river isn’t what it used to lie.” * * * * Dividing his love and his wages, a husband paid £1 a week to his wife and £|. a week to her supplanter, wherepnon the wife wanted to know who was going lo pay the rent. Ihe court missionary was requested to act as arbitrator. **•»**»

Two brides ol less than ii years experience decided that the attractions of wedlock had been greatly exaggerated. Bride No. 1. a blonde, was not so much disappointed with her husband as dissatisfied with his parents. “He won’t leave them,” she wailed. Bride No. 2, a tali brunette, remarked casually; "I have been married eight months and I’m through. On Christmas Day my husband Did he would wring my neck like he wrung the necks of the chickens. Now ((irmly) he realises that lie can’t.”

Again the court, missionary was asked to play his practised role of peacemaker, lie may have some success with the blonde, hut if I am any judge that brunette was firmly convinced that marriage was a mistake.

Caroline is a regular customer at the Tower Bridge Court. On I uesda.v she was lined 29s for being drunk, and yoscnlay she relumed with a black eye In testify to her sombre past, which included six convictions for drunkenness since last September. The magistrate pul her lack as a human problem that would take lime to solve.

|>.c. 685 M was patrolling bis beat in (timberwell wiien he was halted by the remarkable eneigy of William Pufii< k, who was laving out furniture in neat rows on the pavement.

“Moving?” inquired the constable. “Watch.” replied William Patrick, as lie deftly pitched a flat-iron through *! picture frame, lie then went inside the house for more furniture, and his wit*:’ coming outside, requested William Pat rick to hand her the baby out ol Lie* window. Something came out of the window, hut it was not the baby, tor it cut Mrs AVilliam Patrick over the forehead and she was removed to the hospital in the nmlnilpnee less hurt than angry.

“That’s enough of this,” declared P.C. 585. Al who, alter playing bears with William Patrick on the pavement, removed him from hirs ammunition dump. Mrs William Patrick, n wife of the forgiving tyne, said she had been married for 22 years and she was used to the moving episode. which cost William Patrick 255.

Uncle John took his nephew Christopher for a walk down the Old Kent mad. where they met young Airs ( iiristopher. rbe family gathering collected mi interested crowd, which oiitliusiasrically applauded Mrs ( hristopher. whose few words so stirred uncle and nephew that they were hurriedly removed liv a couple ol policemen. Uncle paid 10s. and nephew Christopher 7s Oil because m 1 had still to meet Mi's Christopher. ****»»

Kate Hogan coughed apologetically. “You were here on Mondnv,” said the magistrate sternly, “anil I sent, you to the infirmary.” “Yes, sir,” said old Kate, “but .1 met some friends in the Waterloo road, bad a few drinks and forgot about the infirmary.”

“Ono day in prison.” ordered Air Powell. Kate smiled mml tripped off to a court hi noli.

“Send me to the sessions,” pleaded James Finch, an old convict whose speciality is stealing sheets. “1 want to keep away from, tho gang,” he wailed. “It’s always sheets. I can’t help stipling ’em.” A detective explained that the old man had come out of prison only about ten days ago and that he had immediately stolen sheets from a Salvation Army hostel: “Sheets and towels are liis weakness,” explained the officer. Spared from going to the sessions, the old sheet stealer was gladdened by the sentence of four months’- hard labour which meant that he will lie warm during tho winter.