TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 5 March 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, December 20. Bridget, an Irish cook, decided to spend Christmas in Dublin, and with her ticket and savings in her. pocket she drove away in a taxicab from her employers’ house—and arrived yesterday morning in the dock at Alarylebono Police Court.

A sympathetic constable who found her lying on the pavement helplessly drunk on Tuesday night recited a sad chapter of accidents. “She began to celebrate her holiday too early,” he told Mr Bingiey, the magistrate, “and being fascinated with the taxicab ride she drove to different public-houses, and her niece, fell down the area .steps and hurt her arm. ••|’ve got her ticket and 10s in money —all she had left. The doctor who examined her arm this morning said it ought to he X-rayed.” “ Ah, not at all,” said Bridget cheerfully. “ It’s going straight to Dublin, I am this very night.” “And whnt about your arm?” inquired Mr Bingiey. “Mo arm, is it? And won’t that be set right in Dublin ” “Off you go,” said the magistrate, overlooking the doctors fee, “ and see you don’t fall down some more area steps and damage the other arm.” “ Whisky is at pre-war strength in Dublin,” murmured the clerk. ****** An officer applied on behalf ol E Division of the Metropolitan Police for an extension of hours to sell intoxicants on the occasion of a Christinas dance. “Any objection from the police?” inquired Mr Bingiey automatically ; ami then hastily added: “No, I suppose not.”

The Christmas spirit overflowed in court, and the magistrate urged warring landlords and tenants to cease their quarrels and enjoy the festive season in peace and amity.

With a true Dickons ioiich he prevailed upon half a dozen angry landlords and the same number ol still more angry tenants to forget their differences for at least a week, and so infectious was his chccrtul mood that T sun sure if there had been a bunch of mistletoe over the court door landlords and tenants would have kissed '-”' 1 made friends in a sentimental truce.

A worried woman who had live shares ill a Christinas club complained that her five shares brought her only C'3 ITs Id. instead of C 5 17s Id. the L2 being deducted on account of a debt owed by her husband. "Oh, these diddlem clubs!” sigherl the magistrate, advising the woman to go to the comity court. “ The papers are full of reports of absconding secretaries, but the more money is lost the more is supplied to go the same way.” * LONDON Dec. 21. Adventure has come early to John Herbert Harris, a slight. blue-eyed, cupid-mouthed. cherub-faced youth who decorated the dock like an angelic figure in a. stained glass-window at Bow street Police Court yesterday. Despite his school-prize, face, John Herbert is not the sort of boy who can be safely let loose on unsuspecting society—especially policemen. And anv linin'* that harbours him would ho well advi-cd to increase the lire insurance premium. Wearing his best choirboy look, John Herbert timidly apprehclied a constable in the Strand and pleading that lie had no money, rco nesting the loan of a shilling to pay lii.s Lire home Crouch End. Won over by the wistful’ mouth and the blue eyes, the officer patted the boy on the head, give him a shilling, and continued on his beat, conscious of having done a good deed.

An hour later tin* same officer saw John Herbert looking still more wistful and blue eyed, taking a shilling Irom another constable, who was in the net of patting him on the head when constable No 1, shedding sentimentality at every stride, gripped the angel hoy hv the collar. ‘ John Herbert’s life story, so far as it has gone, reads like :a juvenile edition to the Newgate Calendar. Described ns an apprentice jockey in AVootton’s stable, lie used to bo employed as a page-hoy at several chilis, including the Automobile, the Army and Mivy. and the Travellers’; hut literally made liis places ton hot to hold him.

Dismissed from the Travellers’ Club for setting fire to bedding, ho became a lift-boy in a block of bachelors’ flats in the AVest End. where lie created excitement by setting fire to a pile of logs in the basement. As an encore, be set fire to the bed-clothes; and, still thirsting for adventure, he burned away the rubber from the electric wires and helped to cheer on the fire brigade.

He is chiefly remembered at the Automobile Club for his saintly expression and his disconcerting habit of exchanging tbe margarine intended for the staff for the butter provided for the members. AW Fry, the magistrate, in sending John Herbert to a boys’ home selected by tbe court, missionary, requested him. without enthusiasm, to ho a good hoy. and John Herbert promised to be ever so good. a * * * *

After nervously announcing Norah O’Shea, the gaoler swiftly withdrew out of range, and from a strategic position at the rear of the court watched a colleague and a wardress escort Norah O’Shea to the dock. For a moment I was puzzled by tlie abrupt departure of the gaoler, and then, catching the amused glance of the inspector, I remembered that the lasttime Norfali O’Shea arrived in the dock she took a dislike to the gaoler, whom she belaboured vigorously and at some length.

Norah O’Shea is known as the Bow street “Terror.” A. sturdily built middle-aged woman, with a mop of fair hair and a devastating tongue, she has survived more than 250 convictions, including eight this year in this court. Yesterday, however, she was in a subdued mood, and sighing heavily, she seated herself in the dock fcnd gated listlessly at the deputy gaoler, who stood well away on the other side of the wardress. The “Terror,” who was charged with having been drunk and disorderly and with assaulting a policewoman, Hid. descended on a coffee stall and, after dispersing the customers, threw a cup of tea over the policewoman who sought to remove her. Eventually arrested by a constable. sbe complained that her head had been broken back and front by “that burly policeman,” who protested that tho “Terror” had suffered only a. slightgraze done before he arrived. *’ Still sighing deeply, Norah O’Shea placidly heard her sentence of 28 days and to the obvious relief of the gaoler i departed peacefully with the wardress.

The woman in the ruby hat who had intended to do a. day’s shopping was discovered shouting and screaming in tho Strand. “Don’t do it,” commanded a constable, but having secured an audience the woman went on screaming. “I had lost my bag with £7 10s in it.” she told the magistrate, who promptly increased the loss ov os.

David, ""a. dazed labourer, who had had some trouble with the traffic, was apparently convinced that the oneway system had been introduced info Dow street, for he walked right round the dock before he could he halted by the disapproving gaoler. R*• * * *

Richard had not been seen in the dock for two years and he was just beginning to congratulate himself on o lenient sentence when the gaoler

remarked; “He-did not pay his last fine and he has not brought any money this time.” Richard will come out on Christinas Eve. LONDON, Dec. 22. Always I have known her as the veiled woman, a tall, dark, slender, middle-aged woman dressed in black with roses in her hat. Many times I have seen her in the dock at V\ es Jj London Police Court wearing a veil and look of remorse, and I came to regard Her as a woman of mysteryenl dowed with an infinite capacity for taking drink. Towards the end of October the magistrate, finding that fines did no good, ordered her to find a surety lor her good behaviour or go to prison for two months. She came out of prison on Wednesday and yesterday she was back again in the dock, tall, dark, slender, and veiled, with roses in her hat and remorse in her voice. She had gone straight from the prison to the public-houses, and she got drunk in something like record time. Clara Chaplin is the name of the veiled woman and she now calls herself a cinema actress. She certainly has a walking-on part in the West London Police Court. AL- Ratcliffe Cousins, the magistrate shook his head sadly over the case of. Clara. Chaplin. “You arc heading straight for a home for habitual drunkards,” be said stonily. “I didn’t take very much tins time.” pleaded the veiled woman. Responding to the spirit of Christmas, the magistrate decided to. be more than merciful and permitted Clara of the cinema to walk off with a half-crown fine. The gaoler marked her exit with a “To-be-continucd-in-our-next" expression. LONDON. .Tan. 7. “Anybody complaining of bad husbands?” inquired the warrant officer at Thames Police Court yesterday, and half a dozen women rose as one wife, i “Sir down,” ordered the warrant officer Hastily ; “you will take your places ' ■ in the queue,” And as be said it the warrant officer , winked, lie was recalling the Army joke of the harassed recruit who, after ; a particularly heavy fatigue, observed feelingly: “When this blinking war is 1 over I am going to bit that sanguinary s sergeant-major in the eye.” I “No you don’t.” retorted an equally disgusted new chum. “You will trike i youu place in the queue with the rest of us!” 1 Husbands are fair game at. Thames 1 Police Court, where every morning -i there 'collects a select circle ol ] worried wives) of whom not one in a - , hundred succeeds in getting a sum- . ' mons for persistent cruelty. Actually I there is very little wife heating in the East End. but ns physical violence ’ i always commands sympathy a wife with " a black eve is the most envied of her I kind. F | This may sotlml cynical, hut it is a fact tint a woman wearing a black , ' eye in the morning queue at Thames street arouses more envy among her neighbours than if she wore a new costume and a smart hat. A black ? eye has more than a senlimcnuil value; L . , it. not only brings the most callous ; j husband to bis kness but it alsc- makes ;j him pay to the last shilling of his . wages. Two women hustled each other into 1 the witness box. and with that frigid 1 politeness that is more provocative than hot anger .each waited for the other to open the attack. , “These two,” explained the warrant officer dispassionately, “complain of each other, and honours seem to be e veil

“I see,” remarked Mr Sharpe, Hie magistrate, “six of one and half a dozen of the other. Go away both of

you. “Thank von,” said the stout complainant. “After you,” rejoined the thin neighbour. * * * * *■

“This woman.” announced the warrant officer introducing a weeping penitent weighing at least, fifteen stone, “was hound over yesterday to he of good behaviour towards this young woman behind her, hut immediately she got out of the court the one who is crying set about tile other one.” “You keep the golden key of silence of your lips,” advised Air Sharpe, checking the Hood ot tears irom. the heavy-weight, who earnestly exclaimed: “Yes sir. hut can 1 ” “No, you can’t,” retorted the magistrate, “and if you do it will cost you £5.”

**** * * * "Mv brother-in-law never pays any rent.” wailed a disconsolate mail. "Is lie a tenant or merely a friend? inquired the magistrate. “Neither,” replied the afflicted husli.md. “He is just a relative.” “Then tell him to get out,” advised Air Sharpe. ******

“I have left my husband, and T want a separation,” demanded a young wife. “AYhat’s wrong witli him?” asked the magistrate. “Oh, I just Ban’t- stand him,” replied the disappointed bride. “He doesn’t strike me, hut he throws tilings at me.”

“Well, lie can’t hit you -if you are out of range,” remarked Air Sharpe. ******

“I have a bov aged Iff,” announced a woman shopkeeper, “and lie lias liken goods from the shop to tho amount of £lf>. sold them, and lost all the money in fruit-gambling machines. Can 1 get the money back from the people who run the machines?” "No.” replied the magistrate, “but you might get it back from the people who bought the goods from your son, 1 say ‘might.’ ” “What is a fruit gambling ma-c-bine?” I inquired of the warrant officer.

“ ‘Try-your-skilT machines placed in shops round here,” explained the officer, “but T don’t know where the ‘fruit’ comes in.”

“I have not heard of my husband for ten years and please can I get married ingain: " asked an attractive woman.

“That is a very awkward question

said Air Sharpe. “According to a case heard in 1880, you cannot be prosecuted for bigamy if you verily believe, even after eighteen months, that your husband is cleHd ; but if be turns up our second marriage is not a marriage.” “Yes 1 can see that,” replied the wife who had mislaid her husband, “but what I want to know is, shall T get remarried ias a single woman or as a widow?”

This otieslioii beat Air Sharpe, who could only repeat that however she got married should would have to risk the reappearance of husband No. 1.

“This is a nice thing,” exclaimed an indigi'Dnt landlady. “Aly tenant came to this court and because of what she said about me Air Cairns (the senior magistrate) sent on officer down to caution me. AYliat I want to say

is . “Sav it to Air Cairns next Afondav And Air Sharpe sweetly. * * * *

A solicitor declared that the treasurer of a “diddlem club” bad died leaving only £l2O available to pay out subscribers’ demands amounting to 181.600, and he sought redress. “Not in this court;- it would he hopeless,” decided Afr Sharpe, who is only too familiar with the working of some of these “savings” clubs which every Christmas leave empty stockings in poor homes.