TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 19 February 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, Dec. 16 (By R. E. Corder).

“Finding is keeping,” argued Alfred Joseph, a waiter employed at the Great Western Hotel, Paddington, as ho put his foot cm a wallet dropped by a guest in the coffee-room.

Tho wallet contained a £5 note, "Inch Alfred Joseph, smarting under the loss of a £1 note he himself had dropped, put into his pocket and kept for a week. Then another guest paid his bill with a £5 note, and Alfred Joseph substituted the £5 note lie had found for the £-7 note lie had just received.

And that is why he appeared in the dock at Marylebone Police Court yesterday. for Hie number of the dropped £.j note was known to the cashier ; and Alfred Joseph lost tho £5. another £ J imposed by Mr flay Halkett, tho magistrate, and his job, which brought him in 18s lOd. a week wages and 10s a day in tips. *****

.Margaret, a kitehenmaid. was also unlucky. She said she met in a icgister office a strange woman who asked her to pawn a five-stone diamond ring for Os or S>. She entered a pawnbroker’s shop in Chapel-street, while the strange woman waited outside, hut the paw nbroker’s manager could not undcisland why a £P2 ring should he pawned for a few shillings, and he telephoned to the police. A detective-sergeant arriving at the shop, walked Chapelstreet from end to end with Margaret in search of the strange woman, and as she could not he found tho officer took Margaret, who was remanded for a week. * * *

“You are cleaner than the last cook I saw here, lint you are dirty,’’ said the magistrate, addressing Alfred, a young, dark vegetable cook for whom the warrant officer had been looking tor months. Alfred, who prefers blondes. explained that ho was dirty because he had j itst torn himself away from the vegetables. He owed £l4 on an afliliatiini order to a plump girl with golden hair, and lie had not paid a farthing since last May. •‘He is in the Army Reserve, hut lie has not drawn his last quarter’s pension and he has also not signed on I (lithe dole, for fear I should trace him. said the warrant officer bitterly. ‘He is an artful dodger.” Tho magistrate agreed, and ordered Alfred to pay the £l4 or go to prison for three months.

Merry Andrew, who will he 05 tins Christmas, lias joined the optimists, and as a- preliminary lie has begun to sow his wild oats. “1 have never been drunk in my life before yesterday,” he remarked reflectively. “1 had never known the taste of whiskv, so I had some. Then I had some rum, and then I think I had some more whiskv, or was it more rum. Anyhow (cheerfully). I got drunk lor the first time in my life.” ■•lie had £5 11s (id in his pocket when f arrested him.’’ said the constable in the case. “Of which wo will lake os, dedaled the magistrate. ;v * * * *

George is a pessimist and particular about his food. Visiting a. coffee-stall at King’s Cross lie ate a cake which disagreed with him, and lie kept on saving so. “They are very good cakes,” insisted tho coffee-stall keeper. “f will show you the proper place for these cakes.” said George, picking up a I ray fill and sowing seed cake, bath buns, and currant cake impartially over the pavement.

AY hat the coffee-stall keeper said brought a constable, who, carefully picked his way over a carpet of cakes, arrested George, who pleaded that, lie was overcome. Fined 15s, he left, the dock without a crumb of comfort.

“My next-door neighbour persists ill annoying me,” declared a middle-aged woman, who, asked what' she meant by annoyance, blandly replied. “She comes at. me "iih all open hade and says she will cut me up, and when f locked tin' door she kicked tho panels in. AYe had a‘title dispute about the ehii]run in the first place, and now she has forgotten her manners.” Air Hay Halkett concluded tliht the breach of etiquette called for a summons for threats.

“I object to a man removing the bolt from the door and coming into my house at ten o’clock at night.” said a brisk little woman. ‘■Naturally,” remarked the magistrate. “W’liat do you want mo to do?” “I dou’i, want a summons because I don’t want to waste mv time in court,” replied the applicant.

“You are a very sensible woman and you will get on in business,” commented the magistrate, promising to deliver a caution to the unwelcome visitor.

"Wearing a rainbow hat and clutching a sheet of uolepapor, a middle-aged woman exclaimed: “I’ve, come about niy landlord’s disgusting language. It is not up to my standard. Tl’s all over the coal-box. and his language is so terrible that 1 could not possibly repeat it. so I’ve written it down.”

“I can’t make him improve his language, said” Mr Booth. “But as a judge has recommended a litigant to read ‘Bleak House.’ I will advise your landlord to read Shakespeare, and he will improve his vocabulary with classical phrases.”

The woman with the poker handed it over the fire-screen to Mr Booth, who murmured “What am 7 to do with this pretty thing?” “That is what my husband chases me and my landlord with,” explained the owner of the poker.

“And that is the man who promised to love and cherish you and whom you promised fo obey!” remarked Mr Booth, skilfully balancing the poker. “Ye-es.” replied the wife doubtfully. “I am afraid of him, but my landlord isn’t.” “You take a leaf out of your landlord's book.” advised Mr Booth. “But mv husband suffers from neurasthenia,” added the woman resentfully. “We will cure him of neurasthenia if he does not behave,” promised Mr Booth, returning the poker.

A man terrified by two women applied for a summons through a solicitor. who declared: “When my client was leaving his home a woman at the gate refused to lot hint pass, and another woman struck him in the face and smashed the plate of his false teeth. The trouble arose because he gave evidence in a possession case in a eountv court.”

“We are always getting the leavings of the county court.” sighed Mr Booth as he granted a summons.

Robert was labouring through n street- in Beckham burdened with J2lb of sheet lead. “What are you going to do with that?” inquired a detective. Sell it." replied Robert promptly.

“Where did you get it?” “Took it from the roof of an empty house.” said truthful Bohert. who. having lost his job as an hotel porter, was handed over to the court missionary. who will help him to regain his previous good eharacer. * * * *

Robert John’s landlady was surprised when her nice-looking young lodger left his key on the table and departed without saying “good-bye.” But her surprise gave way to anger when she found that not only was the lodger missing, but also several rings and a bracelet and 10s in cash. Robert John, who was remanded, admitted having pawned the jewellery for £2 12,5; and ns the landlady is a poor woman the magistrate ordered, that the jewellery should be returned to her without any payment to the pawnbroker.

Another instance of the police court as “the poor man’s court of justice.”

LONDON. Dec. 21. Christmas clubs having paid out the savings of many days in Bermondsey. Rotherhithe. and Southwark, several injured policemen arrived at Tower Bridge Police Court yesterday. The one fact explains the other. When the Christmas spirit comes to this area, members of M division prepare to go on

the sick list, for the festive season always means a series of fights, a right merrv season when the Irish colony and Scandinavian sailors share the police with good will.

Mr Ronald A. Powell, the. new magistrate, had moro than 30 “drank” cases before him- yesterday, and at the end of a l'ormidahe list he had accumulated a. wealth of lines and experiences. V young-looking man. with dark eyes set, in a pale, thin lace that hetrars nothing of his thoughts, Mr Powell still retains tin- barrister's instinct to sift evidence through a line mesh, hut as he uses his skill almost entirely on behalf of the prisoner he is tollowing the sound tradition el the Metropolitan courts.

A buxom Cinderella figured in a tenement pantomime presented by an elderly woman, who arrived with the missing slipper, a broken lock, and a handful of screws. She complained that Cinderella, had broken the lock, and when Cinderella indignantly denied the charge, the' old woman, who was not a. fairy godmother, triumphantly produced the slipper lelt in her room when Cinderella lied. Mr Powell, as the prince, decided that the slipper fitted, and granted {be woman a summons for damage done. The 10 p.m. train for Southampton had just, left Waterloo Station, one minute late, oil Saturday, when a City porter and his wife, who were awaiting the arrival of the porter s stepson Iroin Farnborough, arrived at the barrier. “When is the next train from Farnborough?” inquired the porter. “Go and look at the indicator,” replied the ticket, collector; “Pm busy. And then things began to happen, f irst the porter smacked the face of the ticket collector; then hi* knocked oil' the spectacles and hurst the nose of another collector, who, being curious about the row, was soon full of information. Next a son of the first collector arrived in “by your leave” haste, whereupon the pudee's wile dragged a \\ a v her hut 'mud t 1 look at the indicator, while* a crowd ol porters and Messengers followed to look at the husband. Ilis part in the latest Battle of Waterloo cost him £2. And nobody met the stepson front Far n bn rough.

Carl Andersen, a stalwart ship’s firein an. having made a round of the pub-lic-houses in Lotidoii-road, heard the fdl of music from Rothorliithc Town Hall.

Although the Scandinavian seaman spoke oulv Ills native tongue, he danced in English. and he* was just about to display his skill when he was ejected into the arms of P.C. 255 M, "ho oncstepped him towards the police station. After going a hundred yards Carl, the fireman, decided to return to the dance, and. seizing the constable's lelt arm. twisted it up lii.s hack. The constable took the floor and for the next few minutes strange Scandinavian oaths mingled with forcible provincial English, until the officer getting the upper hand, sat out several dances on Carl’s chest. P.C. 250 M went on the sick list with strained tendons, and Carl the fireman went to prison for two months.

P.C. 159 was also in mufti and on the sick list. In Crucifix-lane on Saturday night lie had met William Clarke, who illumined he was singing carols m a spirit of Wait and Spree. Requested to refrain from waking good Christians. William the warbler contended that lie had a perfect right to sing on the highway, and lie drove home his argument with his fist on the officer’s shoulder, following it up with a kick ill the officer’s side. Then other constables persuaded William: (1) that he could not sing; (2) that he must not strike and kick their comrade: (3) that he needed exercise. A new year will have dawned before AWllir'.n the wr>rb!°r will leave his little celh'y

George and two constables wont tor a short walk from a public-house to a station, following a seasonable affair in which George had knocked out several carol-singers, who, ho protested wore not singing in tune. “Ho you know, sir. I completely lost, my memory?” said George to the magistrate. “When I came out ol the police station I did not know I had been locked up, and 1 came out with { , swollen nose that \ did not take in. but (humbly) 1 expect I deserved it. The fact is (confidentially) 1 was eaten up with rum. on account of a cold in my chest.” Temlerlv caressing his Christmas nose. George depleted his club money hv 12s fid.

! Joseph Holly tried to hang himselt up in the lioii.se of a stranger . who prrmptlv t■;rev.' out .Joseph Holly and loft him to decorate the gutter, where lie was nicked up by a passing constable. I.atcr he was charged 10s for do< u niting tiie dock. John, full of Christmas spirit, was seized with the desire to he kind to sti armors. He was being kind to two -m-r,men and their women companions.'when P.C. 530 M did » kindly deed on his own part by removing John to a place where he needed all his kindness—in addition to 7s fid—for himselt. Tliev are having some lively Christmas cards in M division.