TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 8 January 1927, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, Nov. 10. .Scandinavian sailors are the |>t ayboys of the London Port. They arc fair-haired, blue-eved children of a. larger growth, and they get into trhuole not through any vicious tendency hut from sheer lightness of heart. They drink, and sing, and dance, and sometimes they make boisterous love |.ike schoolboys playing a gamt of kiss-in-the-ring. When a British sailor gets drunk he usually wants to fight. When a Scandinavian sailor is in peril on the spree ho wants to play, and a Scandi)’t" i.'n sailor playing is very much like a .British sailor lighting. Between them the Thames and the 'Tower Bridge Police Courts absoib much of the pay of sailors lost oil lai d ; and at 'Tower Bridge Police Court yesterday half a dozen Danes end Norwegians smiled and paid, and returned to their ships poor in pocket Init. rich in memories.

Something in common vith the chilish sailors had three babies who solemnly made friends while :1m ir mothers exchanged confidences. The Inhv in the green bonnet took its mother and a. Toddy hear into the witness-box and listened t Itenti rely to the story of the missing-pieLu’e frame. The baby's mother had 'igreed to navis a week to have a family picture framed at a cost of l()s, hut after she had paid 9s. the collector (cased collecting, and she could get neither ’he frame nor the picture. While Air Vernon (Little, the inagi.'frate, was advising the mother to ap ply for a summons t West l oud n Police Court the baby was telling tno Teddy bear to be good or if would be given what for. 'The baby in file red bonnet, atlc-v n airing violent love to the usher, listened attentively to the misdeeds ol its father related by an angry mother who had not seen him since last July. 'The baby in the orange cap was so busy trying to fit the Testament into mi ink hoft'e that he did not heir Iris mother complain that his -at her has got so mixed up with mo.n.y Vndors that lie dared not come home.

Never have 1 seen a more persistent bahv than that orange-capped infant, who. given another five minutes, would have got the Gospels into the inkpot.

An attractive voting girl explained Hint she was clothed on the instalment plan. She did housework lor her stepmother, who paid her 8s a week hut deducted 5s for clothes which the girl obtained from her lather, a master tailor. Finding, so she said, that the more she worked the less she wore, the girl left, home and. demanding her clothes, got, everything except a coat, which the stepmother refused to give tip even when faced with a policeman, uho was on the side of youth and beauty.

It was a puzzling point ot law, hut the magistrate granted a summons.

Dismal James blamed the weather for his downfall.

"These cold winds upset me.” ho told tho magistrate. What he was really suffering from was drought; and these whines from the Wood left the court unmoved. Fined 7s 0(1, dismal .lames tried to compromise with os. all the money lie had left, and the magistrate gave him credit for half a crown. 71 * * * *

Patrick Jones looked like Patrick but talked like Jones; in other words, he was an Irish Cockney from Bermond-

Tle was found by n constable swearing at nobody in particular, hut doing it in such a way that everybody in the queue waiting for an omnibus thought that Patrick’s Cockney-cuni-Irislt maledictions had a personal application. Having missed it is omnibus to the Bricklayers’ Arms, his walk to the police station cost him 10s. c- * -:i * -x

Xo Rose in all the world was so wonderfully arrayed as Bose in the puce dress, the mauve hat, and the purple feather. Just before midnight she descended on a coffee stall in Waterloo-read looking like a study from animated autumn.

Envious eyes gazed on the puce dress and the purplh feather, and envious tongues made such spiteful comment that Bose saw red, and she chased the chief critic down one side of Waterloomad and up the other until P.C. 344 L led Bose away into the purole night.

Having enjoyed a few bars, Alfred tucked a roll of music under his arm, ami. wafted on the wings of song, he executed an alcoholic nocturne, beating time with the roll of music on the heads of passers-by. Finally ho attracted an interested audience consisting of two plain clothes policemen, who conducted Alfred off their heat.

Robert Sidney Turner, who had already been in prison for false pretences. planned to get easy money by ordering goods advertised on approval in the newspapers.

He gave a false name and address ami was just leaving an agent’s shop with a mackintosh that had arrived by post when he was arrested. He had made the mistake of writing to the same firm twice, tho business being tho same, although tho address was different.

He pleaded that he was ‘‘‘down and nut.” hut Hr Vernon Gattie pointed out there were other ways of getting assistance than bv committing crime and sentenced him to two months’ imprisonment in the second division. * * * *

“Dirty |” exclaimed an elderly tenant, glaring at the sanitary officer who said his one room was in a filthy state. “Why. I go down on my knees every day to scrub out that room, and sometimes my wife scrubs too.”

‘•'Your efforts have apparently been unsuccessful,” remarked the magistrate drily as he made an order for the room to be given up.

Alary, tall and slender, has a good home and a good husband at Hackney Wick. but at frequent intervals she meets a kind of Mrs Harris, who takes her drinking in Shoreditch, and the next morning she appears in the dock,

when she never fails to lay the blame on her own creation of Airs Harris. ,“I cannot understand her,” said the woman missionary. ‘‘She has an excellent home, and there is no reason why she should come up to Shoreditch.” Weeping copiously. Alary, still laying the blame on the missing Mrs Harris .was remanded for a week on bail.

Given the choice between three years at, Horst af. and six months at a Salvation Army home, Alice, a young gild who had stolen clothes trom a girls’ club, decided to take the six months. 'The controllers of club, which gives shelter to homeless girls .allows them out from If) till 5 to seek work, but Alice used her freedom to seek recreation at the pictures. She is one of the many young girls who want a good time” at all costs; and her mother cheerfully predicted that Alice would break out of any institution in less than a week. .Many queer applications are made to metropolitan magistrates, hut a little woman wearing a large apron at Oldstrect Police Court yesterday must hold pride of place for asking awkward questions. “Alv landlady,” declared the little woman with emotion, "says that my children will never go to heaven. AVhat am T to do about it?”

“AJadam,” rouied Air Clarke Hall, the magistrate, “I cannot guarantee that your children will go to heaven. 'There are some matters even a magistrate cannot arrange, and the future destiny of your offspring is one of them.” The little mother left the witnessbox obviously disappointed, for so confident was her belief in the infallibility of the court that apparently she fully expected a magisterial endorsement of a kind of heavenly passport with which she could confront her landlady the next, time the question of eternal life was introduced. Next came a shy little domestic servant who wanted a week’s wages in lieu of notice. ■ AVhy were you dismissed?” asked the magistrate. “Too much velvet,” murmured the shv girl. ‘T hob vnur pardon !" exclaimed Air Clarke Hall, looking for enlighten, menl at the usher, who shook his head helplessly. ‘‘Too much velvet,” repeated the girl. ‘‘He said I was wearing too much velvet, so he sacked me.” “Oh, in that ease f ake a summons,” observed the magistrate, glad at the solution of a nuzzling problem.

’Then came a.n. elderly, lame man, leaning, on <n walking stick. “He is an old convict who lias retonned.” explained the police court missionary. “Some time ago you set him up with tools to carry on as a bootmaker. The neighbours complained ol the incessant tapping, hut he got over that difficulty and now his furniture is falling to pieces and he needs £2 to restore it.” “Certainly,” agreed Air Clarke Hall. “A man who reforms is worthy of help.” The lame man was one of the old crooks mentioned by Air Harold Tiegbie in his ■ interesting articles on

“The Life of Hie Convict” now appearing in “The Daily Mail”. He is one of j he men who are determined not to go hank. and. as he diligently mends bools, he is also repairing the mistakes of a broken life.

••Will you slop my husband from insulting me every time he meets me:” requested a girl wife. “Tt isn’t her husband it’s his brother,” interpolated a stout woman who was acting as court chaperon to the girl wife. “One at: a time,” pleaded the .Magistrate. "Quite.” agreed the stout woman, taking charge. “Her husband’s brother is making a row because lie says his wife insulted his mother.” Again the magistrate sought information from the usher, who again shook his head helplessly. “'The real trouble,” explained flto court missionary, “is that the husband. while paving his wife Cl a week maintenance, lines not pay anything off the arrears he owes, so they are making things uncomfortable for him.”

“Oh, the old story,” observed All (Darke Hall, dismissing the stout elm pernu and the girl wife.

A nretiy girl in. grey entered the witness-box and murmured: “Please I would like to live with mv aunt.” “1 have no objection,” remarked the magistrate pleasantly. “But my step-father says T must, siav niih him.” said the girl, “and please I would sooner live with' my aum “ Tiicu go and live with your aunt, and if your stepfather interferes come to me,” said the magistrate. “You don’t know my stepfatl urged the irl. “Perhaps ], shall.” replied Mr Clarke Hail pleasantly. A sullen, young man complained that his wife annoyed him in the street. “Why?” inquired the magistrate. “Because I owe her a. fortnight’s money,” replied the sullen young man. “And a very good reason for annoyance,” retorted the magistrate. “Pay up and she will give up.” # * ♦ * An ex-policeman said lie does not speak to Ids son-in-law, who has been ; tenant in the same house for six months. “Why did you take him in?” asked the magistrate. “I didn’t” replied the ex-policeman savagely. “My wife took him in 1 cause his furniture was rotting in • ) yard and lie was sleeping in a cellar. I have been giving him notice to quit ever since.” After 21 days the expoliceman’s house will not longer be divided against itself.