TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

Hokitika Guardian, 5 August 1926, Page 4

TOLD THE MAGISTRATE

LONDON, Juno 12,

Eric the silent, Shirley the philanderer. and Benjamin the philanthropist adorned the dock in turn at Westminster Police Court .yesterday. Each man is an expert in his own speciality, and among them they provided a programme moro interesting than I have seen in the courts for many a day. Erie the silent is a shoemaker without a shirt. He lost the shirt at the same time xh:at lie lost liis . voice, and at tho same place—at ton -o’clock the previous night outside Chelsea Workhouse.

With loud shouts and violent gestures he summoned the porter, who told him to return when he was sober, whereupon Erie little by little added to his offences until, in a struggle with a couple of policemen, lie lost his shirt and his liberty, .and he. was removed on an ambulance to the police station, where he took a vcw of silence.

Shiftless and silent, Eric entered the dock, and when the clerk put the formal inquiry as to whether lie was guilty or not guilty Erie impatiently tapped the floor of tho dock with his right foot and never said a word.

Mr. Gill, the most patient of magistrates, implored Erie to sny something, but Eric resentfully tapped the floor with his loft foot. -Asked if he had any questions to put to one of the officers who arrested him, Eric pursed his lips and whistled. “Ho said last night that lie had ft pension on account of his nerves,” said the constable. Eric drew a large envelope from bis pocket and with a dignified gesture threw it on the solicitors’ bench.

‘ He libs a pension,” said Mr Gill, inspecting the documents in the envelope. Eric whistled righteously. “I think lie had better bo put back for a doctor’s report,” mused the magistrate. Eric, whistling on a shrill high note, marched out of the dock with his breast hared to all tho winds of adversity.

Shirley Page, the philanderer, arrived on a note of interrogation. 1 ‘What does it mean?” lie demanded, when charged with insulting behaviour. “The constable will explain,” replied Mr Gill politely; and the constable did at some 'length. He related how lie and a colleague, both in plain clothes, had seen Shirley making advances towards women and girls at the omnibus and tramway-car terminus in Vauxliall Bridge-road. Repulsed with heavy loss of prestige Shirley retired on Victoria, Station, where ho again failed to advance in tho favour of two girls who left by train.

Other women passengers requested Shirley to run away and play, so he returned to the scene of his first defeat ,where lib seized the arm of a. girl who threw him off and hoarded an omnibus.

Arrested bv the two officers, Sliirloy declared that it, ui.is a, case of mistaken identity, and, as an after-thought, ho remarked that tho constables were “dirty cads nmd rotten liars,” and lie had a d good mind to hit them really hard.

“Now you know what tho charge means,” said Mr Gil! courteously. “Oli, this is too much,” groaned Shirley, when ope of tho constables described how tho man had thrown his stick on the pavement in a temper. “The officers helmvcd infernally rotten to me,” lie declared. “\ou know you did” (turning to the nearest constable). “I told this fellow what I thought of him and lie has it nn against me. (You know you have. 1 know I cursed at you, hut you can’t blame me. You speak as if 1 were chasing every girl round Victoria)’’ “•So you were,” replied the constable stolidly.

“Don’t be absurd, my dear fellow. Do play tho game. Tho girls were chasing life,” protested Shirley, who, turning to the magistrate, said: “It was going-home by the tn’im way-car, and I was a good butt for the women. J would be a. catch for them.” Mr Gill, who was not impressed hv Shirley’s picture of himself as a shy Adonis pursued by tho sirens of VnuxliaL Bridge-road, put tlio penalty for philandering at 40s.

Benjamin, tho miners’ friend, bought Is Od worth of “miners’ lamp flags” from a woman flag seller at the It ophant and Castle, and, placing' them in his hat. set out to sell them in

Vauxliall Park. Two detectives whom ho asked to buy a flag to help the miners demanded to see his permit which ho could not produce.

A political agent, who was the district organiser for South London of the miners’ flag dJ.iy for the relief of their wives and children, said that Benjamin had no authority .from him to cal'eet. hut he had met him before, and knew his family as members of tbo organisation. Beniamin explained that he had been out of work for four years, and he spent much of his time at Vnuxhall Park among a lot of old people like himself to whom it was his intention to distribute the flags without payment.

Mr Gill thought there was a breach of the regulations governing street collections, but he discharged Benjamin, the friend of the miners. Disgusted with the sea as an occupation, Fred Lane, an elderly sailor, decided to become a musician, a combination of ancient mariner and wandering minstrel. Musical instruments for the street being classified in the same category as dangerous weapons, ‘the musical mariner arrived at the Westminster Police Court oil the previous afternoon and demanded permission to carry a cornet into the highways and byways of the City. ‘■Take your hat off; you’re drunk,” said the shocked sergeant,. who met him at the door of the court. ‘‘Two beers don’t make me drunk,” declared tlie sailor soloist. “I want to play. I want to play like .” “I’m afraid you would,” retorted the sergeant,, as be showed Seaman Lane a short turning to the cells. Persisting that ho was not drunk, but that ho had merely slipped over the mat, the-mariner minstrel was put back for the evidence of the station officer.