THE SEAMY SIDE

Hokitika Guardian, 24 April 1926, Page 4

THE SEAMY SIDE

TALES TOLL 10 lWill MAGISTRATE CONSTA B Lib CM At* Kit OX. (R. E. Carder in "Rally Mail.”) most UrniKs were. living served rn the Adam and Eve pitulic-nou.se. lor it was just on closing time on Wednesday afternoon. I lie landlord was counting up toe takings and too bu.rinn.iu was m,wiling at the rain which kept tier indoors when in stumped william Laud, once of the Last surrey Regiment. now a pensioner witu one leg and £2 a week. Pensions are paid on \\ ednesday. and it was obvious that William Laud Imd drawn his, lor lie descended on the peace of Adam and Eve with a ilourish of crutches. "Whisky!” demanded William. “-Vo,” said the barmaid. “You have bad more than enough.” "Sweet William,” caljolcd the landlord, "come outside and look at the nice rain.” “Whisky!” repeated William Laud, swaying on his crutches. ".Mi!' 1 said the landlord firmly. Accepting the ultimatum, the old soldier—he is 55 —prepared lor battle. Stretching forth a long arm—be is Gtt in height—be made a wide sweep and live biscuit-barrels and a decanter of port- were the first casualties. Another sweep of William’s arm and they were joined on the Hour by two whisky bottles. Then the destroying arm reached upwards and swept off a shell' 16 glasses which, even as they crashed, were joined on the floor 4>v ■lO packets of biscuits. But reinforcements were arriving for the beset Adam and Eve, and a constable. after first removing the enemy's crutches, removed also the enemy, who appeared before Mr Gill, the magistrate at Westminster Police Court, yesterday.

Four magistrates have tried to reform William Laud, who lias been convicted ‘2O times at Westminster and as many more at West Loudon. “The best tiling for him.” suggested Mr Barnett, the experienced missionary “is a period of rest in prison.” and Mr Gill, accepting the advice, ordered William the Smasher to find two sureties for bis good behaviour «r go to gaol tor six weeks.

An attractive girl in brown complain cd of a hirer so persistent, that whei lie came courting her she bad to luiv( a policeman within call.

"Me bus been mulesting me for six months.” she said, "and when he is in drink I am afraid of him. He has already lost me several places.” The ardent lover appeared in the dock yesterday, and a constable 'related how the girl ashed him to wait out. side and catch the young man as lie came out. And it was so.

“I don’t want him punished,” said the girl, "but wiien lie gets hold of lily throat- and chokes me .1 like to have a policeman handy.”

The lover was bound over, and the next time he goes courting it will be with a constable its chaperon.

Richard O’Reilly, a seaman suffering from a mass of red hair and a weak chest, spoilt all bis money tacking from bar to bar until ho found himself adrift in rain without the price of a bed. Beating for any harbour, l.e drew alongside a watchman's hut, where he anchored in front ol the watchman’s lire and prepared to make himself snug for tlie night.

When the watchman returned, ihe O’Reilly ordered him to liml anothci anchorage, hut, the watchman whistled a call of distress, and a constable towed O’Reilly to tli.e police station. Mr (till placed him in charge of Mr Barnett, the missionary.

Two j;irl clerks employed in n Vic-toria-street (.llice saw a dark young stranger seated on a window-sill in a corridor. Hoinyc demure girls, they made no cotmncnl, and alien, shortly afterwards, one of them saw the dark stranger peering; at her over a partition she wasted no time on thoughts of romance, blit made a dash for the door. Tl'.e dark voting stranger sprinted for the stairs, with the girl following. It was a, race down four Honrs, and the girl was lining outdistanced when she shunted an alarm to the lift man. and the dark stranger was caught on the second dear, where ho said lie was looking for I he. .Ministry of I.ahonr. Me was remanded for inquiries. Twenty seamen from ('zerhu-Slnvakin were on their way from Dover to Liverpool, and nil arriving tit Yictoiia Station they were assisted officially by an interpreter, ami unofficially by Edward -Vetley, whose capaeily for helping himself had gained him 10 eonvicfinus. Wearing a sports coat, a woollen waistcoat, black and white silk scarf, wide trousers, cloth-topped hoots, and a cynical smile, Xetley lounged in the dock with his hands in his pockets while seven I railway detectives, a detective From B. Division, a, detective from .Southampton, and a .Metropolitan constable took turns to say unpleasant tilings about him. Mono of the foreign seamen except the mate could speak any language hut his own, and the mate was limited to Italian, in which he conversed with the interpreter. Xetley. however, said lie was engaged by one of the men in French, and after

iclping to stow the luggage lie r-alnily

took a seat in one of the omnibuses hired to take the party to St. Franras. The Czechs accepted him as one of the strange customs of tlie country, but a scpiad of detectives who had been watching his interest in the luggage detached him from the wondering seamen and took him to an office, where lie threw a teacup at one of the detectives. The officer carefully collected the fragments, placed them in an envelope, and carried them in a breast-puck, ct next his heart.

Xetley, whose speciality is stealing things unattended, such as luggage, washing, and clothing from yards, recorded his I.7th conviction with four months’ hard labour.

A young wife driven to choose between losing her husband or changing her omnibus route decided to sacrifice D her husband. i- “It is most annoying,’’ she told Hr Gill. “When I a n going to business my husband hoards the omnibus in Keimingtrm-road and pulls mo off, and I have to run into a p. dice-station for protection. Tl makes me late at work, and I should like a separation.” She got- a summons. 3 « - * * * * 1 When the verger of St. Paul’s, Vie--1 arage-gate, Kensington, played hide-and-seek behind the pillars of the church with Joseph Glenville. once mil engineer hut now a- street singer and match seller, it was in no spirit of l irreverence. The verger of St. Paul’s I is not that sort of man. lie is— But I let us begin at. the beginning of an enthralling story told to .Mr Ratcliffe I Cousins, the magistrate at West LonIdnn Police Court, yesterday. What the constable said does not matter much; indeed, his arrival was almost an anti-climax. Xo. the story belongs to the verger, a man of very methodical mind and carefully regulated habits, who when he sets out to tell a story of fact tells it in his own way and in his own time. I am glad that the magistrate, after several attempts to keep the verger on conventional lines of evidence, eventually let him have his head, for he brought the 1 dignity of the sacristy into the crude setting of the court. 1 “Yesterday afternoon at ft o’clock,’’ 1 he begun, after chanting the oath, 1 “there was a special service at the 1 church. It had nothing to do with us. > Our vicar had loaned the church to the f Rev. Mr Maynard, and I was acting as doorkeeper, which is one of my duties, v At 3.30 I saw a man sitting in the in- s nor porch, which is separated from the ii church by a swing door. I did not take much notice of him, because people often sit in the porch in reflection be- o fore they enter the church. Some poo- si pie are like that. They stand on the w threshold and ” a]

“Wo can dispense with theological discussions,” observed the magistrate.

Unperturbed,' tho verger dismissed the interruption and continued:. “The man kep-L opening the swing door and looking round, but that was perfectly proper, because it was a rather windy day. So I opened the door and took a seat just to tho left.” “Was lie in an act of devotion,” inquired the magistrate. Carefully the verger considered the question before be replied. “Me did not ask for a hymn book; but there was nothing in that, because I had not got one. Tho service was over between 4.15 and 4.30, and the bullv of the congregation "left, and the man then altered his position eight or ton yards farther west. I then went down, stairs to make up the fires, which is also part of my duties, and returning from the stokehold, turned the lights half down and saw the Rev. Mr Maynard to his car. Still I had no suspicions, and when the congregation had gone 1 visited the sanctuary and the organ, also part of my duties, put out the lights, and looked the doors.” Here the verger paused, and we know that the dramatic part was coming. “Suddcnly~in the semi-darkness 1 heard a noise like something being dropped into an alms box. Me have five alms boxes, very small ones. Then it was I becoming suspicious, and. peering through the gloom, I saw the man playing hide-and-seek, dodging round the pillars. He looked bigger then than lie does now. and 1 dodged round a pillar. But I kept' my eye on him as I slipped from the pulpit to the lectern. and he dodged round a rather thick pillar.

“The church was now perfectly dark, and as all the doors were locked I became n. little nervous, and slipping through a side door called in the police. The man was still taking cover behind a. pillar when a constable came, when he moved two yards. ‘There lie goes.’ I cried, and the policeman got him. whereupon he said lie was trying to find a way out. 1 examined the collecting boxes, part my duties, and found them all right. T examined them again thoroughly this morning and there was nothing wrong. They are rather small boxes.” Here ended the verger’s first adventure. "Mv object in entering the church was to see the vicar to see if I eottld get a shilling or two attending the motor-cars outside,” declared Glenvde. Mi- Ratcliffe Cousins looked hard at the singing engineer who sells matches and remarked, “1 seem to recollect you having been here before in connection with some church business.”

“Quite right,” admitted Glenville, “but since I ciitne out of prison on Christmas Eve people have been trying to get mo an honest living.” “Tho hist time you went down a short staircase into the crvpt,” recalled tho magistrate and remanded Glenville, who had been convicted as a rogue and vagabond, to see if bis statement about honest work were true. “And now." added Mr Ratcliife with the suspicion of a smile, “the verger can go back to regulate the affairs of the congregation.” George Jewitt was escaping I rum Mary Jewitt in a taxicab which was held u|i by a block in the- traffic and Mary .Jewitt. sprinting down Grosve-nor-road, dragged film out of the cab and a -tight that had begun at a coffee, stall was continued before an interested crowd. “.leulnusy f” queried the magistrate. “Drink,” amended George Jewitt. "I think it was jealousy.” nemnrked a constable who luid seen the beginning of the light at the coffee stall. The woman was talking In another man, then the pair gol in an omnibus, Iml the man descended and started lighting again. T l, .en when be went: away the the women followed him. and they started to light on their own. Having bad most of the light, George Jewitt paid both fines. Fascinated, not by her beauty bill, by the bruises on her face, the magistrate stared at Rose Hanlon and remarked, “‘You’ve got. damaged all light. Been lighting:'" Rose nodded. Mho had two black eyes. a swollen nose, bruised cheeks, and a generous supply of sticking plaster across her forehead. “She was like that when I found her, and she said she wanted to lie locked up,” sail! a constable. “An wonder,” murmured t,he magistrate as i lie charged the bruised Ruse the due- | tor’s foe.