THE SEAM

Hokitika Guardian, 2 January 1926, Page 4

THE SEAM

TALES TOLD TO THEJmIHNI (Bv B, \',. Coitler in “Daily Mail.”) Highbrow critics complain that. 'Charles Dickens tlrcrv caricatures instead of interpreting characters. They say this his creatures'were not human: that they were merely fanciful puppets dancing in eccentric measure on an’ artificial stage.

If these super-critics exchanged the libraries for lifo they would realise that men and women living in the pages of Dickens aro true to the life of many men and women walking the. streets of London to-day. In the Metropolitan Police Courts I have seen a Jingle, a Mioawber, a Pecksniff, a. Mark Taplev, and a. Uriah Ileep. And yesterday I saw at Westminster Police Court a reproduction, with, modern improvements, of the famous quarrel between Sairey Gamp and Betsy Brig over the importance of Airs Harris. The characters, who appeared before Air Boyd, the magistrate, were a-widow and an artists'* model—bosom friends for many years; and they quarrelled over an unnamed woman afer the breaking-up of a party. Both women were middle-aged and they lived in the same house in Pimlico, where for years they had shared each ' other’s trials and confidences. But it was alleged the widow had cast reflections on a woman friend of the model—an

unfortunate circumstance which involved a broken friendship, a broken umbrella, and a broken head. The two women had attended a whist drive, and about one o’rlnrk in the morning the widow said she was returning home, when the artists’s model sprang upon her from behind, rolled her in the mud. took away Iter blue umbrella, broke it, heat* her with the knob, and cut her head with the sharp point of the broken end. A constable produced the broken umbrella. and remarked that the handle end was covered with blood and hair. “And she pulled out my bottom teeth,” added the widow, whose head was swathed in bandages. “How many tooth did she pull out r” asked the clerk. “The entire plate,” observed Air Boyd. “She hit me first, ami T knocked her down in self-defence,” said the artists’s model, “and s:lie hurt her head on the kerb. She said tilings about' another woman, ami that caused the trouble.” “1 don’t know the other woman," exclaimed the widow. And because of the modern Mrs Harris, the artist's model was remanded for a week on bail. And they say Dickens is mil of date.

An elderly woman demanded a summons against, her landlady for assault. She had got ns far as “She knocked me across ” when the landlady herself an energetic young woman, appeared and requested a erc-s-sinmmms. “Yesterday afternoon ” she said. 'But she got no farther, as the magistrate postponed the cross-talk by granting a cross-summons. Alt' Boyd (ontinties to inform wives that they cannot gel a separation order ns easily as billing a pound of tea. but as a, summons costs only :_’s they ate prepared to gamble on their chance. One wife, weary of wedded life after four years, ohiaineil a summons because her husband locked her out at 2 o’clock in the morning. Another of the unhappily married complained that her husband took prolonged holidays. Bhe was sent to interview the court m isMunarv.

Siili'cring Im-bamls were represented by a tall, red .haired man. who said that his wife, not satisfied with getting n separation from him. came round 1... hi.- mother's house, where he was living, and held u nrotesi meeting mi the doorstep. K'm was warned not to do it again. But she will. Tliev .always do.

A seedy-looking men requested the magistrate to arrange lor him a private inrerviev. with ihe {',minii—ioner of Police. Air Boyd handed him over to an inspector who was more sympathetic than optimist if.

A grey-haired grandmother admitted she had been drunk, and said she was grateful In the constable who escorted her 1 1 the police station "like it perfect gentleman.” “How did if happen inquired the magistrate. “I am not quite sure,” replied tit" old woman candidly. “Let me think. We began with Guinness's. We had quite a lot of Guinness's. Then w>> went on to rum, hut how many rums wo had I don't remember. But 1 was drunk,' all right.” “Go away and don't do il again.” ordered the magistrate, and the grandmoth,or left the court, vainly trying to recall on her fingers the number of rums she had had.

A young man wearing a black eye won in the battle of Bin king-ham Gate declared that the fight was spoiled lining to (lie manager of th- Soldiers’ I lonic sitting on Ids chest.

The only clues to a my.-,lory woman wbo was ohnrged with being rlruiik at Ihe court last week were three cake tins, two fish slices, and 2s ,‘b;d in coppers. Rite gave neither name nor address.; and after working on the cake and fish clues for a, week the police < niil’esxed I hv'iiiselves beaten and the woman of mystery was discharged.'She walked off' with the woman missionary, who seemed to know all about her. Mysteries don't exist tor police-curt missionaries.