Don’t Rake Among the Ashes.

Hokitika Guardian, 24 November 1922, Page 1

Don’t Rake Among the Ashes.

- (By Alfred Edye.) In the early days of courtship young lovers frequently have an overwhelming desire to confess to each other. “W« will have no secrets from one another” they say: “AVe will always 101 l each other everything.” And they are genuinely in earnest. They mean every bit of it. It generally starts with her unburdening hersolf to him. She derives a subtle satisfaction and pleasure from telling him “incidents” in her past. They may be harmless flirtations or tales of a former engagement, or of men who have proposed to her. He starts to listen with eager sympathy. “Of course I shall understand, darling.” he says. “Nothing you can toll me could make any difference.” But as she proceeds his face lengthens. Gloom settles upon him “You didn’t really let him kiss von ?” he asks fiercely. And if she admits she did, the fonder he is, the more lie is upset. His

imagination gets busy over the incident. He pictures it to himself again and again. He embellishes it, distorts it, magnifies it. He can never forget it. A new element lias beo/n introduced into their relationship. However “understanding” lie is there is always a secret resentment. And though tiie subject may never be mentioned between them again, the seeds of jcsilousy have been sown. A young man’s confessions to a girl are generally incomplete. They leave her guessing, wondering. They disturb and agitate her. The fact is that lovers’ confessions to each other are a great mistake. They are duo to false sentiment. It maybe to a kind of egoism or that strange desire for self-immolation that often accompanists youthful love. Very few men and women are big enough to hear to bear tlie whole truth about each other, in spite of the French proverb which says that ; ‘to know all is to forgive all.’’ But to forgive is not necessarily to forget. And the worst of all these confessions is that they do not convey the real truth. The mere telling of them exaggerates their importance, gets them out of perspective. I am not advocating deception, but my advice to young lovers is: Leave the past alone. Don’t rake among the ashes.