MY WAR WEDDING.

Hokitika Guardian, 24 August 1918, Page 1

MY WAR WEDDING.

“ I have just experienced a “leave” wedding. The buying of the licence alone was nearly as bad as going “over the top,” for I not only had to give a precis of my own past history and antecedents but one of my future wife’s as well—and, mark 3*oll, I almost forgot her real names, as she has never been called b}' them.

The first actual “snag” I struck was the name of her parish, which was among the questions set ; I could only remember the postal address. However, this seemed to satisfy them, for they then went on to the occupations of ourselves and our various parents. Having passed all these subjects with honours, the registrar’s clerk struck an attitude, and in a funereal voice, hade me rise and “ off cap.” Shaking and perspiring I rose, and grasping the book which he held towards me, repeated after him the cryptic utterance which apparently ended the ordeal. This he called an affidavit I produced the necessary money for the licence and inevitable stamp, and was then left apparently to reflect over my past misdeeds while the various myrmidons of the Archbishop made out the requisite documents. At last the clerk reappeared, and, handing me the precious papers, asked in a threatening tone to be allowed to drink my health. Being by this time almost a nervous wreck, there was nothing for it but to eompb*, as this seemed part of the usual routine. I snatched up the papers and fled from the office.

l But all this was only part of the trouble, and what with lawyers, wills, settlements, and ante-nuptial contracts, I longed again for the comparative peace of the trenches. Then there was the life insurance affair to be gone through ; but in that I feel I got a bit of niv own back on them, for the doctor who . examined me was most annoyed that I was so fit and well. ITe failed to make any impression on me even when he sidled up and struck me a cowardly blow m the back when I . wasn’t ready. i At length The Daj ? came and all was read3 r for the offensive. Some j minutes before zero hour I just j found time to go over my “ words” I in the Prayer-book. 1 The service itself, which was the least trying part of all, was over in a few minutes, and we found ourselves in the act of climbing aboard ( one of the taxicabs when the warning voice of a verger at my elbow, .rasped out:—“I wish you every j ’appiness, sir.” I mumbled some 1 words of thanks and jumped into j my place, but the croaking voice was not: to be denied, and in a still more insistent tone repeated itself:— “ I wish you every happiness sir.” with the accent very much on the ’appiness. Realising my shortcomings, I hastily borrowed some silver j from my bride and purchased the ! verger's good wishes. Alter all, perhaps he had swept out the church.