THE GUEST.

Hutt News, Volume 2, Issue 44, 10 April 1930, Page 3

THE GUEST.

Mrs Muchmoney (to new cook): "Sunday we visually go for a- drive directly after dinner.'' ■* ' Excillint, mum,'' replied the pleased servant, "but, then, of course.. l shall have to lave t&e dishes till .we come back." v . ■-.■.- THE HELPING HANIX ■Sergeant Simpson, was .talking seriously to' a new recruit;. • . ''Under comradeship,"he continued, "we, put all that one man would do for another. For example, Smith, what would you do if your 'chum had hisbreakfast on the table, his buttons not cleaned, and the bugle went for parade*" Smith 2iad grasped the situation in c second and had the answer ready. ''Well," he said, "I'd eat his break* fast so's he could clean his buttons all right!" * ' TOO BISKY. An "old salt" was laundering hia "Saucy Susan" on the soft sandy slopes of Double Bay's southern shores. "Why don't you buy a motor-launch," assked a young " go-getter " whd was smilingly observing the ablutions. "No good to me, lad," replied Bill Bowlines, "in a sailing-boat you can only be drowned at sea. With a motor* boat you can be blown up, drowned, burned to a'cinder, or 'starved to death, if the motor breaks down ten miles from land." don't-find my ticket, first?" GOOD SPORT. | , An English tourist, staying at a f airm* house in Scotland, was told by his land- : lord one morning that if he liked he ! coultl take a gun and go. out and "shoot something." A little later, wßiile going down a lane, gun under his arm, the tourist met a small boy o 1 nhis way to school. "I say, my boy,*' he remarked, "is there anything to shoot aijout here?" j T»he boy looked round for a moment' and then answered with eagern«Si!> "Aye, there's the schoolmaster comin' lover the hill!" AN EAST WINNER. ! The defendant in the breacih of promise action was a singularly ugly little man. " ~ | "Gentlemen of the jury," said his ; counsel, "you've heard the. evidence of the plaintiff, and you've doubtless admired her. Now, do you believe this enchanting, this fascinating> this captivating, this accomplished girl \ would favour the advances, or listen, save with scorn, to the amorous protestations of the wretched and repulsive creature, the deformed and degraded defendant?" His client tried to interrupt. "Silence, sir!" replied his counsel, in an undertone. '' Gentlemen," the continued, "do you think this girl would ever have permitted an offer of- marriage to be made Jier by this. miaerable atom of humanity, who would have to'stand on a penny to look over tuppence?"

The jury t&ought not. Verdict for a©f6Hdairt.^ % * , BOTH WAYS

A toufiug eiimpany was playing to rcry small audiences in an Irish town. Tlie manager asked one of the local residents how the theatre was f usually -patronised.

''Oh not so bad^ not so bad" was the reply. "Sometimes it was half full and sometimes it was half empty."