WIT AND HUMOUR

Hutt News, Volume 2, Issue 43, 3 April 1930, Page 5

WIT AND HUMOUR

BOISKp TO Wll^

Goldberg was leaning far out over the rails watching the last race with dancing eyes and yelling with might and main: "Come on something 1"

A friend reminded him that no horse bearing the name Something was runing.

"Mind your own business!' retorted Goldberg. "I've got a bet on every horse in this race; Come on something!"

TOO.

The bus conductbr waited patiently while the^ old lady ''read laboriously through the destination board. '

'Ms this a Barking bus?" she. asked

at last.

v "No, ma'am" answered the conductor with a jerk at the bell coTd. '^This one purrs!" ' .

MISSED THE'MARK

She was a benevolent old lady enjoying all the thrills of a country . race meeting.

After taking a peep at the pa^er, she approached a bookmaker and. tendered half a crown.

"Please put this on Duleepsinhji for me,." she said. . ,■.' \

"What! exclaimed the bookie, "Duleepsinhji? He's a cricketer, not a horse ma'am." * .

The old lady looked at Mm in utter bewilderment. .

"Dear me, dear me!", she remarked at length. "Then I must;have stuck a pin in the cricket column by mistake.'.'

CHALK THAT UP Pat O 'Hara and Mike Murphy (who strangely enougn were Irishmen) had taken jobs at a colliery. Pat one morning broke his shorel when he was down. the mine. He was too lazy, however, to take it to the surface with him so he left it for his friend, writing on it in chalk, "Take my shovel out, Mike; I've forgotten it! '?..'■■'' - But friend Michael knew Pat" of old, and refused to be caught by such a trick. So he rubbed thexniessage off and Substituted one of his'own: . . ''' Take it out yourself. I 'ye never seen it!" '. . ;

THE "ALSO BAN" ■ '•■ -short-sighted;punter took Ms wife to the races. He was particularly interest od in one event, and gave his wife tha glasses in order. that she might watch the start and see how his fancy got away.; • ' 1 , " Are they off ?"• he asked anxiously. "Yes" said his wife, "they^re off." "And how's the green and purple goingf" ':■■■'

"Oli he must be a marvellous Tiorse <lnrliiig. They've made him give all the others a quarter of a mile start."