CADS ON CASTORS.

Hutt News, Volume 2, Issue 42, 27 March 1930, Page 11

CADS ON CASTORS.

(By "Senex.")

"Hell hath no Fury like—" well, say a superannuated warrior! With every hair on ihis snow-iwhite head and strik-

ingly fierce w&ite moustache literally bristling with fury, fire shooting from his alert and waT-like eyes, verily the personification of rage, he burst into the sanctum from the peaceful serenity of which at times emanates the philosophical reflections of "Senex." In the clarion tones which in former times have carried awe to the hearts of Sergeant Majors, and terror and consterna- | tion to t<he>rank and file of his batalion, he bellowed (and Petone residents in that peaceful, if aromatic, borough, may have wondered "what's ado" now in the Hutt.) A battle cry "Oa<3s on Castors," followed by a declamatory recitative r somewhat as follows: "A' blighting horde of 'em! Wretches, wilio with goggle eyed masks to conceal Ihe fiendish glee with which the ghoulishly, deliberately, and with malice aforethought, set out to shatter the «alm and peace of tie G-arden Suburb of New Zealand, and after midnight at that too. The blood-curdling bombardment, .fax exceeding in clamour a battery of Maxim and machine gunsja would wake the dead, much less the sleepers, and surely well and truly earns and justifies the maledictions called down on the heads of these politely termed "road hog 3.'' The irate one paused to regain •breath but was soon well in Ms stride again. But in deference to the feelings and sensibilities of (some of) "the readeTS of the " Hutt News " ■ *' Senex» »=- ---must refrain from -quoting his concluding remarks. Suffice it to say that tiaey •would have done credit to a veteran of the Peninsular War, and would have brought the blush to the e*heek of a caddy on a Municipal "golf links."

Opening a, window to disperse the atmosphere of sulphur and indignation, mixed, '' Senex "in Ms mildest manner enquired the cause of this wild outburst and from, a further bellow that set: the welkin ringing, he. learned that the cause of the veteran's fury was

MOTOR CYCLES

and THEIR RH>ERS.

And t>hen came out the whole talfe^ of woe. "I grudge no man, especially & young man, Ms pleasrare, and .if it affords these lads any joy to ride one of these beastly things, by all means ' let him so ride. But, continued " Senex's" visitor, what I grumble at, and what, begad, I'm going to put a" stop to, is the infernal demonstrous, - deafening, sleep-shattering noise causedby these cads racing around-quiet and peaceful streets, ten times xound t&o block seems in niy case to be the coarse set with what I understand is called! "the exhaust" either open or shut o* "on" or off, the resultant deafening noise not being, I .understand, being purely .for the enjoyment of the road&og, and not being of any service ia increasing the speed. It's absolutely monstrous and it's going to be stopped —if--not. by t/h)e authority then, begad, I'll organise a company of "Itog- . stoppers," and by hose, garden or flroj we will make drenched >clothe» the penalty of using our quiet street as a racing cycle track. "Senex" made a. gentle suggestion as to t(he by-law "wßrich pro Mbit such noisy perrforaar anceis; only to arouse Ms guest to renewed fury amounting well night to appoplexy. "By-laws," he yeßed, "Poof, and likewise pshaw, what th»' deuce is the good of by-laws when no one knows what they are, and wouldn't obey 'em if Mh&y did-. Tste police are^ of course, busy catcMng burglars, and the traffic inspectors are evidently at home in bed and as it isn't likely the noisy road hog, will give performances in the street in which either of tbent reside, t&ey would be sleeping; sensible men!. But I'm going.,into training; organic a brigade of "hog-stoppers," and I'm already a fair shot with a garden, hose, and when we lhave riddled ©ear neighbourhood of these double accursed pests, our services will be available to carry on the good work for st2ie benefit of other localities. You'll help, wont you: of course I shall be in command, but you're quite able to do the secretarial work, and would be the man on whom summonses for assult would, of course, be served."

"Senex" is still tMntiiig over tlo generous offer. But lie wiH Save a few words further to say on this matter in. a f xtture issue.