WIT and HUMOUR

Hutt News, Volume 2, Issue 31, 9 January 1930, Page 8

WIT and HUMOUR

NEARLY. She quickly lost her double cKin, And much unwanted flesh. Her wrinkled cheek's now smooth .and sleek, And her cojkmr bright and fresh. . She lost all fear that age would win;' Contentment reigned instead. And her lifted face displayed such grace That she nearly lost her Tiead. SHE WONDERED. " Lady: "Have you seen my dog Rover this morning, Mr Surge ? " ,Mr Burge: "Seen 'im? I should think. I 'aye! Came in rerej stole a leg of 'am, bit me in the leg, and then upset a customer into some eggs." "Really! Well, I wonder if you'd mind putting this 'Lost' notice in.yoxir window?" • REASSURING "HIM. An actor who was appearing at a crowded seaside, resort for a week had some difficulty dn securing accommodation. In the end he was forced to consider some very grubby diggings. Being a fastidious fellow, he said to the landlady> "Are these sheets on my bed clean?" - "Lor' bless you, yes, sir," replied the woman. "The- last gentleman as 'ah' 'em-took 'is swim reg'lar every Friday." . ' "~ NO USE. "You should put your foot down." "You don't know my wife. If 1 put my foot down she 'd still convince me I hadn't a leg to stand on," T4ECE I/ATE3T. / "Hear the latest about Newrich?" "No. What now?" "He bought a Louis 3TV bed, but it was too small for him,' so he- sent it back and asked for a Louis XVI." ; ! THE TJMCP. An old lady who -went to see " The Singing Fool" and later went again with her friends, saia afterwards, "I don 't think hfe sang half as well as last time." - " "

HEARTLESS. They had just returned from a bridge party, and the husband was a bad loser. Thisevening he was in a particularly trying temper because they had lost more than usual. >Over supper they were talking about the game, and the man was going over most of the hands.he had held. "Now, in the last," he complained to his wife, "you might have guessed that I hadn't got a heart." '' Oh, I knew^ that a long time, ago,'' returned the other sweetly, "but I did_ think you ha& a brain." .:...'". ARTFUL. . A wealthy Jew who had bi^ dealings with firms in China and Japan heard one day that a prominent firm" iit Tokio had %f ailed. The name of the firm was not mentioned, and he thought of cabling out for news* In order to. save, expense he interviewed his .banker, who had received the news, and asked him to reveal the name of the firm. I "I am sorry I cannot give you. the ! name of the firm.," said the banker, '' as the. cable is not authenticated, and 'if t did give you the name I-might-incure some responsibility." The Jew argued, but the manker held"his ground. Ultimately the Jew made i this proposal: "Here is a list of ten firans in Tokio which yo.u might look ! over, and, without mentioning any name, you might tell me whether or not the^ name of the firm appears on it.V

The banker scanned the list, and then replied, "The name of the firm is' on the list."

- "Then'l have lost heavily,'' replied the Jew, pointing to a name on the list. -

"But how do you know that'is the firm which has. failed?" asked the banker in surprise. , «'Quite easily,'' replied the Jew. "There is only one genuine name on the list"; the other nine are fictitiohs." SOILED. Jeannie was to be married, and the night before the wedding the family was in conference. "Now, Jeannie," said father, "I think we've thought .of everything Have you anything to suggest?'.' '{Well," replied the girl> "I was thinking we'll need a new bag of confetti. You'll remember it was raining when Margaret was married.'' Temperance Lecturer: Now*, suppose I had a pail of water and a pail of beer on this platform and then brought on a .donkey. Which of the tsvo would he take! - .Voice: He'd take the water. Lecturer: And why would lie take the water? Voice: Because he's an ass. .