The Champion Lazy Man.

Hutt News, Volume 1, Issue 21, 20 January 1928, Page 5

The Champion Lazy Man.

In an idle land of the South there was once a competition as to who was the laziest man. The prize was a rich one, and practically all the populatino entered, for they were experts at doing nothing. So, frcm the first, it was hard to judge between one competitor and another. But by many ingenious tests the field was finally narrowed down to Herri and Jean, than whom two lazier men had never been known before. But how to choose between them? Long and anxiously did the judges consult together, and at last hit upon a plan. After starving the candidates for some days, they led them beneath the branches of a grove of fig trees, pendant with luscious fruit. The rivals, though ravenously hungry, yawned languidly and stretched themselves on the ground to rest. But when a few hours had elapsed, Henri could withstand the temptation no longer, and, reaching out his hand, gathered and ate one of the fruits fallen near him. "This settles it," whispered one judge. "Let us give the prize to the other." "Let us rather wait awhile," replied his colleague. "The other competitor may have the energy to eat two figs." Just then a ripe fruit fell plumb on Jean's cheek and remained there. For half an hour he took no notice of it. Then, lazily turning his eyes towards the judges, he said: "This fig makes me tired. Have the goodness to put it in my mouth." He won the prize.

A FLASH AFFAIR. Dave's wife made an entrancing picture, dressed as she was in neglige and slippers. Dave set up in bed. The bride had brushed her hair, pencilled her eyebrows, cosmetiqued her eyelashes, rouged her cheeks, powdered her nose, applied a lip-stick and was now perfuming her ears with a spray. "Gor' blimy," Dave groaned; "if I'd a known that a 'oneymoon was such a bloomin' flash affair I'd a put me fiamin' collar and tie on before I turned in."

NOT SO BAD. Angler: How are you, John? John: Well, sir, my lungs are very bad; wot's left of 'em, an' my heart's all jumpy. I can't see properly, an' I'm gettin' stone' deaf, an' wot with my corns an' chilblains I'm all anyhow. Angler: Otherwise all right?

NO SUCH CAR! / The teacher was trying to give her pupils an illustration of the meaning of the word "perseverance." "What is it?" he asked, "that carries a man along rough roads and smooth roads, up hills and down, through jungles and swamps and raging torrents?" There was a silence, and then Tom, whose father was a motor dealer, spoke up. "Please, miss," he said, "there ain't no such car."

ANXIETY. Two Irishmen were hiding in a small coppice one dark night. They had a shot-gun, with which they intended to shoot their landlord whom they expected would pass any minute. They waited for an hour, however, and there was no sign of him. Finally O'Flannigan turned anxiously to his friend: "Pat," he said, "I hope nothin' has happened to 'im."