Good Stories From The Magazines

Horowhenua Chronicle, 15 September 1916, Page 2

Good Stories From The Magazines

An Irish vicar, having advertised for l a:> organist, received the following ref j)ly :—"Dear iSir, —I notice you have a vae;iii-y for an organist and music tcueher, cither lady or gentleman. Havt ing been bo ill for several years, I beg st > offer yoti my services."—The Orgau- - Ist and Choirmaster. Here is a true story from the frpnt. , At cno part of the line the soldiers have j displayed ingenuity in naming tho r , trenches, and two mow from another division one day fiiino across a trench - j marked "The Deanery." "HelloI" Mid one. "here's a -— deanery!" The'.: a head popped out of the trench, and the chaplain observed, "Yes. and J'lll the Dean, so please moderate your * language."—Tho Treasury. 1 The teacher had coil eluded her scripture lesson, and to awaken interest said she would answer any questions - hor class of boys chose to put tb her ■ 011 it. "How did Noah spend " his -* t'im<> when lie was in the ark?" cam© i the first, question. For ei. moment"the ) teacher did not know what to' say. At I iast she hazarded. "Well, perhaps he fished'." "He couldn't do much fishing with only two worms." put in another youngster.'— The Millgate Mon- ■ tlily. i The two friends met on the way home > from market. "Why are ye lukin' sae pleased; yi' yersel'?" asked Sandy. "I dropped a saxpenee i' the market-placo an' hunt as as I might I couldna' find it." "That's naught to be lukin' sae gav a-b'oot," s-iid Sandy. "Aye, bi|t ye dinna ken," c.xp'airicd iracPheivson, "1 -foundi a shilling."—The Windsor Magazine. An Englishman and an American w-ere arguing as ' o wlv se wills were the thinnest in their respective hoard in ghowes. "My walls are so so thin," said the Englishman, "that you can hear tho man in the next room eating ' hie dinner." "That's nothing!" exclaimed the American. "My wilfe are so thin that you can distinctly hear the man in the next room changing his mind."—Pearson's .Magazine. A clergyman was discussing with .an illiterate member of his flock, in tin orthodox church in Georgia, religious topics of varied interest. The member said that even the best were none too good in this vale of sin and tribulation. "Ycu believe then," interposel the preacher, "in the doctrine of total depravity?" "Yes, 1 do." res- . pond, d the member, "that is —er —er when it's lived up to." —Christian Register. Sinter (writing letter to brother at the front)': "And line ye onything else tae say. father?" Father: "Ay! Toll Dc.nal' if lie conies ower yon German waiter that gaed us a had saxpenee for change when wo had la. bit of dinner "in London a while syne, tell him ■ —tae—t:\k- r steady aim." — Cassell's Magazi le. A politician who was seeking the votes of a certain community in Ohio to the ondi thlit he might he sent to Conigress though it worth while to miaiko mention of his humble origin and early struggles. "T .got my start in life by serving in a grocery at three dollars a week, and yet I have managed to save," he announced.' 'Whereupon ft. voice from the audience queried: "Was that b 'fore the invention of oas'h-reg : «sters?" —New York Times. A cc.rtain curate in the course of conversation at a dinner party some time ago remarked, to a friend: "I had a curious dream last night, but as it was about my vicar I hardly like to tell it." On being pressed, however, he began : "I dreamt 1 was dead and was on my way to heaven, which was reached by a very long ladder. At the foot I was met by an a ngel. who prosed. a pie;'e of chalk into my blind and fciiid: 'If you climb long enough you will reach heaven, but for every sin you are conscious of bavins* committed you must mark a ruiiig of the ladder with the chalk as you go up.' I took the ohalk and .sturted. I had lei imbed up very far. and was feeling 'tiredi, when 1 suddenly met my vicar coming down. 'Hullo!' I said, 'What are you going down for?' ' 'More chalk.' " South AtV it* si.