Good Stories

Horowhenua Chronicle, 10 December 1915, Page 3

Good Stories

MUM THiU xUAutAZiNJiti,

A certain fttpr ot the iiritieh stage Vv'Jio shall be numeless,. and. who haa no very ' low opinion ol iiis own taleoit', was recently having his oeautiful tujatro decorated. xiu asked the work-

men engaged on the job if they woaui care to see him play, and they aaid they didn't mind n tney did. So oil o them received passes for the next -Monday night. At tho end! of the ween wiieii glancing through tuo pay-sheet, the actor manager in question waa a little hurt to see the iollowiag ite.u against each workman's name; "Monday night. Four home overtime to the theatre, -is."—Pearson's Magazine. ' 1 think one- of the runniest stories that i have heard in connection witn Uh war is one of two uewa- ... German and the other ilussian. At dead of night they leave tueir respective trenches—each bearing a banner, i'licy meet in the no man's laud between the ti eiiches, exchange banners, and silentbj return with their trophies, and are both decorated tor their prowess, .business as usual.— Will Owen, m Viie Strand Magazine. An Englishman,' Irish and Sootohman madio an agreement among themselves that whoever .died Hret should have tivo pounds placed on 'his oottiu ly each of the others. The Irishman was the first to die. Shortly after-, ward the Scotchman met the Englishman and aeked him ii Jie had fulfilldd the agreement. 'Tee." said the iimglishman, "1 put on five sovereigns. What did; you put oni"' "Oh, 1 jist wrote ma check Tor ten poonds," said the Scotchman, "an , took your five

sovereigns as change. ,, —Argonaut. Grave complaints were made by Vie undergraduates to the dean of u uu)forsity against the college cook. ino dean summoned the delinquent, lectured, him 'upon his shortcomings and threatened him -with dismissal -unless matters were improved. "'Good jjra'.:iouk, sir!" exclaimed tlie cook. "lou oughtn't to piaco too much importance on what young men toll you about my nieuls. Why, sir, they come to mo in just the same way and complain aunui , your lectures."—international Culia- i

ary Magazine. Sue was a lady visitor to tiie prison, kindly and well-meaning, as she on-it-led with a burglar who nad been sentenced to six months' imprisonment, she thought she detected eigus ot ieform in him. "Andi now," she Ba ; J,

"have you any plans ior tile future on the expiration oi your sentencei" "Oh, yes, ma'am," he said hopefully. "I've got the ptans of tnvo banks aiiu a post oilit'o."—The Windsor Magiziue.

I A schoolmaster was lecturing io a ) dtass upon the circulation of the ojood. "it 1 stand on my head," said he, "um blood will run down into my head, win it no??" The boys replied, "Yee sir. : "Then/ , said the master "why ..tr.not 6he blood, run into my loet wfien ■ stand on my feet?" There was a pause for a few moments, *nen * bright youth, replied ''iriease, sir, it's because yer feet ain't empty."— Mil e Treasury. Ho was on able-bodied man out •<* work, and mado a gonial request jor ;i little asistance. It was perhaps natural for the donor oi twopence to tnquire whether the recipient bad conttiuplated enlisting in the army. "I'd go like a shot, sir," oanie the uniswcr, "but I've got such a 'ot temper, am. when I read what tiio Germans 'ave doiii. , , I can't 'oldi myself in. No, eir, il 1 was at the front i couldn't neip committing outrages on 'em. I'm best at 'time."—Everybody's Monthly. ■ During the past few months soini: coal deaiera ihave mouaged to clear their yards of a good deal ot nibbish at remunerative rates. An indignant woman stopped a coal dealer in the street one day and loudly complained ot the quality of the fuel supplied to'her. "I never saw sucli coal in my life!" she delared. "And the price you charged me for the stuff, and it won't burn!' "We 11 ,,, missus." was the reply, "coa< is n<vw at famine prices, and we havo to be satisfied with what we get. i gave a, good price for that coal myself." {'Then you've been robbed!" retorted the grumbler. "Why my husbfliid. can supply you with the same stuff at half the price." "J didn't know your husband was in the coal trade, missus." "Ho ain't," snapped the lady; "he'e a sinter I"—The Boys' Own Paper.