Red Tape

Horowhenua Chronicle, 28 October 1915, Page 2

Red Tape

(Written for 'the Chronicle)

1 was adjusting the tape—a ired-ink-ed ono-on the borrowed typewriter when l-'ijokicis walked in. l'ookles was a man somewhat advanced in years; contented, jovial and wellconditioiied; one of the sort oi' men that are fond ol good living and always side-step trouble. He lived" next door to me, and when the domestic temperature ol his home grew too sultry, he used to come across to my baoli; thifs occurred pretty often. The bach, except on certain occasions, was 11 quiet, poaceiul place: "Wfiero the 'wicked cease from troubling and the weary are at rest. ' was the- description applii'il to it by Kookles. Tiy some rare chance he never was present on any one of the many times that 't was visited by tho debt collector or* bailiffs. ''Good morning hfarus. what the 1,1;, ," and Kookles stopped sTiort, .sat down iuJ.he nearest chair, and gasped jbl lie had a sudden atg£t the botliut it was the morning iiftc; , , and was empty, no 1 made to preparo a eup ot tea. while in tho excitement the lad who had brought tho typewriter round, attempted to Tan Fookies with tho gridiron. In a lew minutes he recovered and waved us aside: "It's all right, 'Twas only tlie .sight of that ret! tape that upset me." "Ked tape?" "Yes, tho only grey hairs I liavo in my head are due to red tape, and il "I hadn't get away from it I'd have tjeeu dead long ago." "How is that?" "Well you know t was in the Government service for some years, and from the time you walk in at tlie front door with your bundle of recommendations till the time you're emptied out the back" witli a pension, you're tangled up in red tape; you can do nothing; you're just a stone in the roadway for otliors to walk ovw. All the satisfaction yon caTi get is to take it out ol tho chap underneath you when the chance oilers. Twist Dean Swift's lines a bit and you've got tho situation : ; Lit fie Hoax have big hVas to make them go and come, Hig fleas have bigger fleas and so a<l summum.' The man who reckoned that lie was master of his fate and captain of his sou! never worked in the Government service f'll bet," Knowing Kooklos, f isaid nothing, and after he had filled his pipe ami lighted it. he settled himself comfortably in the chair and proceeded: "You know 1 started in the post office and for a lew months tore round— when the boss was watching things— with messages: in between times sitting on the kerb with my mates, and arguing the point , as to Avhich cakeshop 'j.ave the best value for sixpence. We did not trouble much about matters at that time for we only got a few shillings * week, and go. having little to lose, were pretty independent, still concocting 'explanation*,' for various delinquencies wa- a constant source of worry. Once I was asked to 'explain' Avhy I had placed a folded telegram upside down in its envelope. T replied Ufat 1 was standing on my hoad when 1 did it. Thai little bit of pleasantry cost mo live shilling and throe months longer outside." "T'd give the , ' I began savagely. "Oh you'd only do it once, the red tape ha* a muirli eTTgo-riko a band saw- and when you get. a few slices taken off your month*s salary you cease to kick back. ff they had you thero they'd soon tame you, and it would not in.- iong before you'd eat hum bio pio irom die hand.' ".viler some years 1 was given charge of a small oilice, ami louud out what red tape really meant. The inspector used to come round regularly To seo that thing* were going aJoug alright, and in one of his reports to the chiel panjandrum at the head ollico said that the ink 1 was using was not black enough, and hinted that some of the ink was being sold and tlie rest made up with water. I'd stood a lot lor ye-ai'K, but this annoyed me, and replying to the report 1 stated that tho ink as supplied did not How freely i'lioiigh, hence the addition or a little water. If those in authority diluted their ignorance with knowledge in the same manner worn would go along more, smoothly. This wa>s insolence. The handsaw got to work in (juicJc time and took off hull' a month's salary in one rip, and I had to tender «m apology, -while, a.s far a.s my profjre.sb concerned, tho peg was put in. Subsequently life was a misery. 1 Knew that those 011 the ladder above me were waiting to drop a hundred-weight?' ot trouble 011 me at the first opportunity. and I went through tlie of lice work like a man going through a powder magazine with a naked light."

"I studied closely, applied. «':.s nearly a.s possible, all .tlic lioin Rule 1. Siiliseciioii i. Clause 1 to Wide ID. SiihseclTon 87. Olaiise*"l3.|7. I carefully instructed Hie iiiouAjitb ol the of fine stuff in their different Jutics, particularly inipicssing on the hoys— they'ic n plague at the best of tiniee

■■■■the. nuniher of turns, according to the official rules, that they wove to give the clock spring when winding it up, and the nuniher ol times thav were to use the ■ruhher on the 'windmvs and lira.sswork in order to impart to 'Hieni ihe official polish, .mid such likejohs that are .so important in the .service. Kurther. 1 drew out a kij miliary of the hy-law.s that touched us directly, and determined to have copies printed at my own cxpen.se for distrihiltlon among the staff."

"Down one side of tlm nffico ran .a small corridor through which tin , mail matter was kindled. On the mornina; tliat T took hit summary ol tifl*i>ylaws to the printor. a vwn find entered this corridor and commenced fo growl about something. Tnsteacl of Bonding him round to mo the T.tTls answered TTini back with the. result that there "was a scuffle and tlio trespasser was rollotl gently down the stops into tTic gutter. It was effective, but not aecorolinp; co

Daintiest in' nnew Tn evenine sho«9 for ladies. Quality shoes o , "Me ■ .i«i Blegance, smart. Btylieh and dnnin's, for town or oonntrv vear, »ro to obtained from F W. Pink, !«riit.

the -rules and regulations, and if it got to the.Jiead office there'tl bo a i'OAV. To guard against a repetition ot this I took it upon myself to draft the following rule:

People must on no account bo admitted to the corridor especially those who are inclined to bo in-

solent,

and sent it along to tho printer to bo added to the rest;.then J went off tv examine the qualifications of a lad avlio was to start at tho office in the morning. The printer delivered his job to me that night.

"1 Avakened next .morning at daylight Avith a premonition that something was going to happen, and after an early breakfast I arrived at the office in time to find the now lad just commencing to hose out tlte corridor. 1 gave him a copy of the by-laws T had had printed, and impressed upon him the necessity of paying strict attention to them; not to deviate from them by & hair's-breadth, as on their close observance depended his progress in the service. Then I cTieek sonu , ot the previous daj^^^B" "About I hoard a commotio?). for help. I rushed out amnß|HPP k niado my hair Stand on end.' liWne corner the lad "was holding the inspector on the floor and hosing him thoroughly. 'T\va« a cold morning too. i rescued the inspector and enquired if ho was hurt. 'N-n-no, c-oall a cab.' ho replied, ins teeth chattering. I got a cab and sent him back to his hotel, then I turned on the lad and rated him. He said that he had acted by tlie rules. I told him to clear out, but he stood his ground and as I was unnerved by tno contretemps, alone, facing an active lad Avith a Avicked gleam in his eyes and a still running hose in his hnnd. T took my own rulo book meekly when lie offered it to me in proof of his assertion. Then I got the second shock. It Avas the printer, you knoAv what printers aro—a degenerate tribe. Bo had dropped a. letter T out of the last rule, and this is what 1 rend:

People must on no account be admitted to the corridor, especially hose who are inclined to %r insolent.

The inspector had come early in ordoi to try to find something wrong. Ho had a brief argument Avith ffie lad about trespassing in tho corridor, and as tlie lad did not knoAv' limi things happened. He was a good lad that."

"When T had pulled myseJf togeTMer ;s hit T hurried off and wrote out my resignation. T asked that it he accepted at once if possible as owing to unforeseen events I would lilce lo leave without delay. The heads were glad tr see nip out of it and accepted the resignation with alacrity. My clearance papers came back by tho return post, and my successor arrived hy the evening train. I'd got in heforp the inspector. Had they known what the unforeseen events were I would not have got out so ea«y. But "the ron is* t>o loft its mark. TTHnt! 12 o'clock. I'll he late for luneTi. %o I 0112:." As Fnokioß left I hpnt njjain to the typewriter. I had to remove the reels: one fell on the floor ;md as T stooppr! to pick it up, HTe second one fell op mi , and the tape j»o'{ lwi«ted round nr>noek. Yes. red tape leaves a marl' alright. / THE If. !,