Page 4 Advertisements Column 4

Horowhenua Chronicle, 30 January 1915, Page 4

- ROBERT'S TIP ■m tad made a hearty meal «l a re* tenet, and getting up, he said to the ■Tter: •• I dec£« if I haven't forgotten my Sse." The waiter fired up, and hurled fe words at him for full three minutes beMpftWng for breath. When a chance the stringer continued-" But I have alf-a-sov. here in my waistcoat pocket. , be waiter conldn't smile to save his ufe. HE OBJECTED TO THE RENT. A lawyer made out a bill to a client who -as a bit of a wag in his way; most ot tne lems were for trifling services, and covered everal sheets el foolscap. The client went to settle with the man ot l|w, and stood at the door with the request Sat he would receipt it. . ft," Please come in," said the lawyer, in his Poet cordial tones. f> Not much," replied hie client; " you d ttiarge me rent if I did." . FREE OPERA GLASSES. I M pair of opera glasses will, this year, be IKkctaed to every seat in all the theatres of Warsaw, Russia. Every glass will be feeened with a chain to the chair. No money m be needed to cause the lever to slide Side. The contract for furnishing all the fcquired glasses has been awarded to a letman manufacturer, who will charge nothing for them, and will present them to > he various theatres in 1902, provided that ~ ill then he receives 3 cents on every ,; foeatre ticket sold in the Warsaw theatres ;, The managers of the Warsaw theatres think j fcey can afford to pay this royalty. l "QUICK ifiARGH!" J A preacher was addressing an put-door j! |Rrwa in the city, when a drunken soldier pame up and ridiculed the service. Finding it was useless to ignore the man, the preacher said: " Ah, my friend, you are no loldier; you have only borrowed those clothes! No servant of the Queen would *et drunk and interrupt a peaceful service." The man protested that he was a soldier, fend invited the minister to te»t him. ", " Very well," was the reply, " I will Now, attention 1" This the 7 soldier did as well as his condition allowed. " Right about face I" This was also aCcO«npl'*ed with som« trouble •■ Now, quick taarcn J And off he went, marching dowa thL ?oad at a desperate pace, unable to see the preacher's suceeßsfal manoeuvre. .COMPARISON OF AREAS. T~* larger-t state in the civilised world is Texa." wWch $a& <vfi area of 274,356 square miles; *e smalltJV is the little state of Monaco in Europe, which Only has an area of six square miles. The Austrian empire contains 240,943 square miles; the Germaj empire, 212,091 square miles; France, 204,091; Spain, 177,781 ; Sweden, 168,045; California, 157,801; Dakota, 150,932 ; Territory of Montana, i43,77<i; Norway, 122,280; New Mexico, 121,201 ; Great Britain and Ireland, 120,879 ; Italy, 1x4,296 ; Arizona, 113,916; Nevada, 112,09 a; Colorado, 104,500; Territory of Wyoming. 97,S Q 3; Oregon, 55,27,1 : Territory of Idaho, S<',2Q4 ; Territory of Utah, 84,476; Minnesota, 1 '■ Kansas, 80,891 ; Nebraska, 75,955 ; Territory of Washington, 69,994 ; Indian Territory* 68,991 ; M issouri, 65,350; Turkey in 1C is rope, 62,025 ; Kviumania, 45,642; Bosnia ar..l Herzegovina, ::S.iZ5 ; Bulgaria, Servia, 20,850 ; Netherlands, 20,527; Greece, 19,941 i Switzerland, 15,235; Denmark, 14,553. Eastern Kcumelia, 13,500; Belgium, 11,373; Montenegro, 1,770-

HOGARTH AND HIS PATRON. Hogarth was once applied to by 9 miserly old nobleman to paint on his staircase a representation of Pharaoh's host in the Red Sea. In attempting to fix on the price Hogarth became quite dissatisfied. The miser was unwilling to give more than hall the real value of the picture. At last Hogarth, out of all patience, agreed to his patron's terms. Within a day or two the picture was ready. The nobleman was "surprised at such expedition, and imMediately called to examine it. Thecaarw .vas painted all over red. "Zounds!" said the purchaser, "what iave you here ? I ordered a scene of the KedSea!" " The Red Sea you have," said Hogarth, itill smarting to have his talents undervalued " But where arc the Israelites?" " They arc all gone over." " Aiid'whcre are the Egyptians?" ■' They are all drowned." The miser's confusion could only be •quailed by the haste with wbich he paid v's bill

PILES. « Pilei rarely kill, but they cause eonjtaut torture. This is especially true uut pain, cutting, or detention from business. This has been proved in quickly and permanently cured, within the case ol those who are ever so slightly constipated. .files can be thousands of cases iu both sexes, and ui all ages, and in the very worst as mg, Painful, and Bleeding Piles can appreciate lor a moment the marvellous tionse of relief that follows the use of well as in ordinary cases. .No one who Doan's Ointment. Go at once and get urns not suffered the torments of Itcha pot of this Ointment; it will end your sufferings. Mr F. W.-Gardes;i Main-etreet, Foxable, particularly at night, or in the J warm weather. I tried many reme- j dies in the hope of finding a cure, but ton, says:—"For five years I suffered iroiu that awfully trying complaint could get nothing to do me any lasting vjood. I then consulted a doctor, but iiis treatment also failed. At last Doan's Ointment was recommended to uib, the recommendation being tihat it had effected a wonderful cure. I bought a pot at once, and after I had used about half of it I found that tihe irritation was much less, so I persevered Itching Piles. The pain and irritation were sometimes almost unbearwith the treatment, and before long I was completely and permanently cured. [ say "completely" because it is three sionally; just as a preventative against, any return." Two years later Mr Gardes confirms the above:—"lt is now five years since Doan's Ointment cured me of Piles, and I am still free of thie complaint." I have not been troubled with Piles years since my cure was effected, and since. I always keep a pot of Doan's Ointment in the house, and use it occaWhen we say that Doan's Ointment will ciire Piles, we mean exactly what we say, nothing more or less, and we are able to make this emphatic statement backed up by such evidence as the above. Doan's Ointment is sold by all chemists and storekeepers at 3s per pot, or will be posted on receipt of price by Foster-McLellan Co., 76 Pitt-street, Sydney. '—" i-or nils relief, much thanks!" Hamlet's words express the feeling 01 the many thousands who have teete* "NAZOL." All agree that "NAZOL" h "the best cough and ccld remedy in the Dominion." Get a bottle TO-DAY

\'t!i uncertain methods ■• ■■'.!;!«. Use Edmonds • i'nwder. It is never ; .!. ! wanting" ..•:•! is "Sure to K'tSK." All Grocers. U