The Man who had Heard it Before

Horowhenua Chronicle, 18 February 1914, Page 3

The Man who had Heard it Before

BY JACK VINCENT

(Written for The Chronicle). Now, Mrs John Vane was a gay little wife Who extracted what pleasure she could out of life, And, her Jack, of the Universe he was the hub, Though he liked a cigar and w r as fond of his Club; . And the" baby, a cherub, so everyone said, Though Jack had some points in reserve on this head, As he listened some nights to a musical snore While, cherub in arms, he was pacing the floor. But the course of true love it ran smoothly and sweet In the halls of their pretty s-übur-ban retreat. Now, a Ladies' Debating Society claimed Her attendance one night,- and she cannot be blamed If she thought that dear Jack would respond to her bid, Stay home for the night and look after the kid; But Jack, in his easy chair, reading the "News," Entertained most decided and different views; An "important appointment he'd got with a man," And that is just how their first quarrel began. And Avhen they got started it wasn't too slow, Just what one might call a straight, fair, ding-dong go; Till—something . Jack saw in his* better half's look— (She'd a quick dealing - "right" and a nasty "left hook"* Made him snatch for his stick as lie jammed on liis hat, And he called the sweet a "squalling young brat": Then he made a side kick : : .i the innocent cat

As he slammed the front r> v r and tripped over the mat. But when he'd cooled down, and had lit a cheroot He felt just what he was—:; contemptible bntte. For tho wretched affair lie vr«* solely to blame, He'd have gone back and told her so, only for ahame. He never had felt such a cur in his life, All the World seemed to kr.r»v he'd a row with his wife, He confessed that he was a despicable cub. And he took a back seat whew he entered the club, Where old Major McQuire, that Father of Lies, Had just finished a yarn th.ii brought tears to their eyes, And Jack caught a »em;\rk. he could not say by whom, Then an ominous silence fell over the room. Men glanced at each ot'ioi rud \ glared upon Jack At least, so it seemed to rhp mm on the rack,

Then they rushed at their victim an\l bore him to ground, They cuffed him, and kicked him, and scruffed him around. And e're he had time to recover the shock They fired him out through th» door on his block. Now, steady, dear reader, you're right off the track, For the man that they fired, he was'nt our Jack. I'll not mention his name, but you've met him before, That superior ass—-that detestable bore— Who, when others are shrieking luid crying , "Encore!" Remarks with a sneer—-"Oh, I've heard that before!" As for Jack he had bolted straight back to the house, And was doing a very big "sinoodge". to his spouse. —"The one angel on earth he would always adore!" She just-kissed him and said- - "Oh ! I've heard that before !"