A Budget of Jokes

Horowhenua Chronicle, 1 July 1913, Page 4

A Budget of Jokes

J Tho New History. A siuall boy handed in tho following- oik Jin examination paper in United .States history: "(Jejicral .IJraddock was killed iii tJie Revolutionary War. Ho had three- horses shot under him and a fourth went through his clothes." A Story Inside Out. A man from the city went to a small country town to spend his vacation. At the station ho took the coach, which was drawn by two dilapidated horses, and round that he had nothing smaller than a £1 note, which lie handed to tho driver. The driver looked .at it for a moment or so. and then said: "Which horse do you want " How Did He Die. Tim following is an elegiac tribute clipped from a country paper: '"Milt yesterday he moved among us in the conscious pride and strength of sturdy manhood; to-day his name is numbered with the silent majority. It is prolwi'blo that the single immediate cause of his decease will never be known. The house on his father's fai'Mi was burning'; there was need for active, decisive, heroic action; life was to l)e .succoured and property was to be saved, ,and well lie responded to the challenge; hut his soul, conscious of its own great strength, urged his physical body beyond the limits of mortal endurance, and when he fell beneath an overturned piano it is probable that exterior and interior | injuries combined to snap the thread of life." Hack to the Land. They were city folks, and they had just 'become nicely established 011 the newly-bought little farm. With the help of .suggestions from interested neighbours, they were fitting out the place, and it was the wife who approached one of tho kindly ' farmers with the question: "How nutny eggs a day ought a really good hen to lay?"

Higher .Mathematics

The lonelier was hearing the class in arithmetic. One of the pupils, ii rather. stupid hoy. watched the (inures on (he blackboard witli a groat deal of interest, much to the teacher's .satisfaction. The teacher did several .sums oil the hoard, especially for this pupil, and as lie erased the last iiix'iro he turned to the hoy: "A\ell. Andrew, do you understand those examples that J have .just- lieeli tilling?" "No. sir." replied the hoy. "hut I would like to ask a question ahoitt t hem." '•What is ii, Andrew?" ''Where do the figures go.'' asked Andrew, "'alien they arc rubbed on t r" Busy. A customer entered the small town '•arher shop. '■'Tow soon can you cut mv hair?" lie asked of the proprietor, who was seafed in ;ni easy clijiir. perusing (lie pau'es ol a novel. '"Hi", said I lie ha rber. addressing his errand-hoy, "run over and tcl' t.l'e editor ihat I <1 like niy scissors, if he's got done editin' (he paper. r;<-ntlomaii waitin 1 for a hair-cut."