"All Scissored."

Horowhenua Chronicle, 10 April 1913, Page 2

"All Scissored."

VARIOUS HUMOROUS PARS

A keen-eyed but obviously scantily educated mountaineer led his overgrown son into a country school house. "This hen; boy's arter larning," he announced. "What's yei bill o'faro?" "Our curriculum, sir," corrected the .schoolmaster, "embraces geography. physiology, arithmetic, algebra, trigonomotery " "That'll do. Load him up hoavx with triggernomotry. He's the only poor shot in the family." "Casey." said Pat, "how do yez tell th' age oi' a Tu-u-rkoy?" "Oi can always tell by the tooth," said Casey. "By the teeth!" exclaimed Pat. "Hut n Tu-u-rkev has no teeth." "Xo." said Casey; "but Oi have." c '■ Two bays were playing an excitl" ing game of marbles when one of them was called in to go h message to the grocer's. On arriving there ho found the shop crowded, and. wanting to get back to his game, he cried out. "Please, sir, could you >' .serve me. because it's for my fath1S er'.s breakfast." firocer: "Well, what would von s- like?" Tommy: "Two washin' powders " and a bar of soap." i"May 1 print a kiss on your lips?" * 1 asked. She noodod her sweet permission; So wc went to press, and I rather s guosa We printed a large edition. KEEP AT IT. One step -won't take you very far; You've got to keep on walking. One word won't tell folks who you are; You've got to keep on talking. One inch won't make you very tall: ou'vo got fo keep on growing. One little ad. won't do it aTI; ou'vo got to keep them going. Two old friends met in the streets in Sydney last month. A said: "Well, old chap, how are you after all this time?" ft snfd: "T am not at all well; have a nasty attack of gastritis." A then replied: "You're lucky: we have no gas at all." A group of workman were arguing during the dinner-hour. A deadlock had been reached, when one of the men on the losing side turned to a mate who had remained silent during the whole debate. "'Ere, Bill." he said, "you're a pretty good nt a argevment. Wot's your opin- ; ion " ''T ain't going to say." said Bill. "T thrashed the matter out 1 afore u-ith Dick Grey." "An'." 1 said the other artfully hoping to en- i tice Bill into the fray; "and what did you arrive at?" "Well, eventually." said Bill, "Dick arrived at the 'orspital, an' I arrived at the perlice-stntion." Tn answer to a lady's advertisement for a laundress. -Ellen, a darky, black as the ace of spades, applied tor the work. With her was a group of small darkies, .some black, •some brown and somo yellow. Her employer asked if „j| those children "•ere .Ellen's. The latter replied: they's all mine." But. Ellon, ' said the lady, "they are all different colours." "Yas'm; vou see it's like <Jis. My first husband «as dack like me, my secon' was ■>rown, an' the one J «r o t now ho belongs to the fair sex."