My Three Best Stories.

Horowhenua Chronicle, 13 March 1911, Page 4

My Three Best Stories.

« Mr G. H. Pelissier, dluief of famous fun makers, writes:—".! am a. very bad purveyor of Jiumiorous stories, because my memory is more deficient thaji my sense of humour. But at the moment I recall the following:— "1 /have a friend, one of many ordinary individuals who, owing to temperamental impatience, or something of the kind .cannot end,ire being shaved by a nyone butt hi nisei: One unlhiappy day my friend's luggage had gone astray on a railway journey, and, not being obliged: to grow a. heard in the cause of Art, the traveller reluctantly appealed to a. professional barber to perform the necessary operation on Ibis chin. To my friend's intense disgust, the operator, whilst wielding brush a,!razor, insisted upon grasping the patient's nose with tllnumh and forefinger. The sufferer held l out as long as he could, amT then, in an interval of release, exclaimed, "For goodness' sake, leave my 'nose alone!" " 'The barber, with a. bleary gaze, looked down upon his victim's face and whispered confidentially, and in a voice that suggested stimulants: 'Tf I did. shir, I siliould sh'fall sh'down.' "Tt certainly was a very indifferent melodrama, which was heing played by a very indifferent company at the Town Hall of Slocombe on the Slush. As a result business had been deplorably had. For the Wednesday matinee several members of a. musical comedy company, which was appearing at the Theatre Royal in the same town, came over to see the rival performance. As is ga.i erally known, the custom in :.he theatrical profession is for act >-s and actresses to be passed into ilio auditorium free, when possible, i n presentation of their cards.

''That was done on this occasion. The show had been running for half an hour when the box office man dashed up to the manager .crying, 'Guv-nor, there is a row in front.' " 'What's up? Got a rush of patrons?' asked "the boss, hoping against hope. " 'No,' came tihe answer: 'one of the pros says the show's so bad that lie wants his card back!' '" 'Quite a good; story concerns myself and my knack of going out minus money. With a previously purchased stall T went to see Mmo. Bernhardt at the Coliseum. T took a programme and then found tlbat T had- not a farthing with me. '-Never mind Mr Pelissier, this with me,' said the girl, evidently recognising me. When T left the huildh'ig and was stepping into my touring car, four newsboys also recognised me and insisted upon making me their debtor for a halfpenny ear Hr. That night- I sent an emissary to settle accounts. To give tTie programme lady a shilling for a penny debt wis simple, hut he had a very bad time when lie sought to find the four news lads. He found fortv, and paid the lot double price. You certainly do not save money by leaving it at liome!"