Stories of a Parliamentary Humorist.

Horowhenua Chronicle, 17 August 1910, Page 4

Stories of a Parliamentary Humorist.

WHAT A PINT OF CHA.UPAGXI-; DID Sir Wilfrid's pot aversions wore militarism and tiiink, and anion" the many stories told in the biograp!iy of him edited by tliie Right Hon. G. W. K. Uiissoll. and jxibiislied by Smith, Klder, and Co.. is one that refers to Kir Andrew Clark, .Mr Gladstone's physician. It is said that when be recommended a patient to drink wine, the latter expressed .some surprise, .saying he thought Sir Andrew Clark was a temperance doctor, U> which Sir Andrew Clark replied, "Oh, wine ;!:ies sometimes help you to gel tlu'oiigii wi.ii'k; for instance, I have often twenty letters to answer after dinner, and a pint of champagne is a groat help." "Indeed," said the patient, "does the pint of champagne really help you to answer the twenty letters?" "No! No!" said Sir Andrew, "but when I've had a pint of champagne, I don't care a rap whether I answer them or not.' THK BISHOP'S "STAKTIVIXG STATMENT." Sir Wilfred's speeches ware always popular, for the simple reason that they were anecdotal. He usually forced home a point with a good story. He once told how Dr. Temple, when Hishop of London, went down to speak on temperance at I'Aeter, and in illustrating his subject happened to say, "'I neveir was drunk in my life." Whereupon the newspaper posters which came out tlie next morning contained the headline, "Startling statement by a Bislirp." "In 18(iO," says Sir Wilfrid in one of his diiaries. "[ fell into matrimony. I entered the chiircih alone, between a line of volunteer soldiers, and came out of it through the same line along with my wife. This recalls to one's re: ollection the text inscribed on the tomb of a deceased couple, "Their warfare is accomplished.' Fortunately my wedding venture did not result in hostilities. . . "Theie is sometimes a want of tact. A wife was once complaining to a clergyman of her husband's unsatisfactory conduct, when he said, 'You should heap coals of fire on his head.' To which five replied, 'Well, I tried boiling water, and that did no good.' "

"D'VK KR.V JOHN PKKL?" Hero arc two anecdotes which Sir Wilfritl was I'oiul of relating. "Somebody asked iSpurgcon whethe ira man niio played a cornet coii.hl bo a Christian. '1 tlon't know.' replied Spurjrcon, 'hub the man wVuo livctl next door (■oii'l not.' " another one couceriijn"; ht\w he once aske:l all who wished to t;> Heaven to stand up, but a .--.ailor kept his sent. Spurifeon ask-t-.l him if ,!ic did not wish to to Hciiven? "Not with simh a oiew as this," was the reply.

In the days of his youth Sir Wilfrid was very fond of imi'tiiiß. As a matter of fact, he bought the hounds which John I'cel. of "D'ye ken John Peel?" fame, 'had hunted and became Master of the Cumberland Foxhounds. And incidentally it_ might lip mentioned that Sir W.iiI'rid settled tho right reading of tho old sons.

''When folio famous sono; of ,'lohn Pool spread fioni its unlUe Cumberland all nror tho foxhunting; .Avnrl-rl. people accustomed to the traditional scarlet thought it impossible that a master of the honndr, could 'have hunted in n o'rey cf)nt, atul therefore altered 'His coat so grey' to 'His coat so uny.' Hut the emendation uas at oii!'c arbitrary and erroneous. Sir Wilfrid has placer! it on record that "His grey coat is.no more a myth thar: ' '.'iself. for f well remember the ';''j;, rough, grey «;airment w'- : -''> a , v. st came down to his knees." TALL DOG STURIWi. It was, t.'urinir these huntinir ;iays that Sir Wilfrid also became a'cqii'iinte;! with a Cumberland squire \> !:o>'c improbable stories were a S'Ctrcp ot much amusement. This ill , ! .squire* was very loud of tolling tr.e story of a favourite steady old pointer. One ilny he lust the doc: for a Time and by ami by, when looking tor it, {•limbed over a wall, w'nen up got a covey of partridges, and lo and" bei'.nld, there the pointer lying, on its back, with all its legs in"the air. This, he explained, was because tilie dop; had tumbled on its back in Kcttina over the wall. nun. jusf. at tliiit moment jj;ottin{j; wind of the partiulgos, was too steady to alter the position in which it was loiuul- . "1 hardly know a story to mat«h this," says Sir Wilfrid, "except tfhnt of the man who said his dog could point game anywhere, and tlhat one day it stood stock still by the side of a man in Hyde Park. This somewhat puzzled him until he found out lib at the name o the man was Partridge." "jrxGO. ,, Apropos of the spirit of miltiarism which runs through the country at times, Sir Wilfrid mentions the following :— When in 1878 there seemed a posibility of us going to war with Russia over tlhe Eastern question, birth was given to the popular war song— We don't "•'>; to fight, but, by Jingo, if -'> ';>, We've t b tl>: ships, we'vxe got the me , .. .' ,'c got the money too, which ; .'.•! nd of Sir Wilfrid parodied tins: - We (]...'t •.■.--: L: fifflit, but, by Jinp;>, if . do, We'll act a sh ; i.; ■•; ■■-ome-taxj and a !.!. :-.-.:leii.-.; .liclr too. - -Til-Jilts. W :IBBZJBaKSBBiI^BESHn