Varieties.

Hawke's Bay Weekly Times, Volume 1, Issue 33, 12 August 1867, Page 197

Varieties.

"When is a literary work like smoke ?—When it comes in. volumes.

. How olteu do we find that a man’s better-half gives him no quarter. , Awful Effects of Growing Old.—ln an obituary notice of an old citizen, an Ohio paper says, “He was honest and industrious until enfeebled by disease and old age.” Not a Great Disappointment.—lt is now doubtiul whether the French Emperor will make the contribution to the Paris Exhibition that was expected from him—a piece of Holland. "Warning to Masters of Vessels.—lt is said that a young lady, who was a passenger on board a packet ship, sprang' out of her berth and jumped overboard ou hearing the captain, during a storm, order the mate to haul down the sheets !

Contraries.—People say they shell peas wlicu they unshell them; that they husk corn when they uuhusk it; that they dust the furniture when they undust it, or take the dust from it; that they scale fishes when they unscale them. Many men say they are going to weed their gardens when their gardens are weedy enough already.

Is u tty. — A fashionable friend, on taking leave of a young ensign, who was living in a small apartment, said, “"W ell, Charles, and how much longer do you intend to stop in this nutshell ? ” To which he wittily replied, “ Until I become a kernel.” (He doubtless belonged to a “ crack ” regiment.)

Salt in Chimneys. —ln building a chimney, put a quantity of salt into the mortar with which the intercourses of bricks are to be laid. The effect will be that there will never be any accumulation of soot in that cliimney. The philosophy is thus stated: The salt in that portion of mortar which is exposed, absorbs moisture every damp day, aud the soot thus becoming damp, falls down the fireplace. . Under the action of tiie salt, however, the bricks gradually become rotten • aud crumble away, and the chimney is very liable to fall. The Typical .Irishman.—lt must be admitted that the typical Irishman is a Proteus. View him in one way, he is the Merry Andrew of Europe, a fagged roguish clown who never opens his mouth but to utter (in a brogue which is itself ridiculous) either a jest or a bull. View him from another side, he is the suffering victim of unmerited oppression, the patient martyr of his ancieut faith, the .sensitive, poetic Celt, whose phrases are rich with imagery and pathos, and whose soul breathes through such melodies as the c Last Bose of Summer ’ and ‘ Savourneen Deelish.’ Now he is the tipsy bully, brandishing his shillelagh in a faction fight, and. trailing his ragged coat in the mud to provoke his equally pugnacious neighbour ,to trample upon it; and now he is the silent secretplotting Eibbonman, nourishing his vendetta for years, till he can shoot his unarmed and helpless victim from behind a hedge. Now he is the most warm-hearted, faithful creature in the world, toiling to reap English harvests and win bread for the wife and children he tenderly loves; and now he is the idlest, laziest loon that ever lay smoking by the side of a ditch, while liis cabin fell to pieces for want of repair, and his ragged and half-starved child run uncared for about the bogs. The Irishman is religious, chaste, and charitable: he is also e , I 'i i ?P rov Hent, and vindictive. He is the bravest oi soldiers, and the most arrant moral coward in the world j the hero of Fontenoy, and the slave of every vulgar priest. He is the martyr of Europe and the buffoon.—Fraser’s Magazine.

Singular Discovery in America.—-Mr Reuben Kasmith, residing near St. Antony, in Minnesota, has recently discovered, whilst digging in the floor of a cellar, extremely curious traces of the existence of a race of men anterior to the Indiaus of America. A large plate of iron, which was encountered by the pickaxe at a short distance below the surface, was found, covering an orifice Which led to a spiral staircase of 120 steps, at the foot of which was a narrow passage dug through the white sand, and opening into a vast artificial cavern. Next after this sort of vestibule were several smaller chambers. Utensils of brass and of.iron Jay scattered about, some having evidently served to make the excavations, and the others for domestic purposes. In one chamber were large seats and a sort of platform resembling a pulpit" or the rough outline of an arm-chair. On the wall was carved a sort of colossal human figure, surrounded with hieroglyphics, and singular .or obscene ornaments. In another chamber was a sarcophagas containing bones, which - fell to • dust as soon as they were touched, and also rings of iron and of brass, and a strange object made of silver of an octagonal form. Finally, in a third chamber, was seen a sort of sacrificial altar, onwliioh there was amass of ashes. This discovery is a very singular one. The objects described in the notice from which we extract these details, resemble nothing that is known of the aboriginal race, and must have belonged to an extinct race; anterior to the Indiaus of the Prairies. Copies "of -tlie hieroglyphics have been carefully made.and kept toi. be by archaeologists, and.there is reason-to hope that the result of their will: hie ithe addition of an interesting chapter.to.tne records of ethnological faience, Courier des Etats Unis,