Joke Competition

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume XVII, 10 December 1927, Page 14

Joke Competition

JUNIORB. Swedish Woman (just out from Old Country): "Ay vant some talcum powder.” Clerk: "Mennen’s?” , <( Woman: “No, ay vant vommen’s. Clerk: “Do you want it scented?” Woman: “No ay.bane take it with me.” —Prize of 1/- to Colin Martin, age 9 years, 1014 Plunket street. Hastings. A little nigger boy went into an American store and asked if he might use the telephone. This was the conversation over the wires:— “Is that you, Mrs Brown?” “Yes. this is Mrs Brown; what do you want?” “Do you want a nice little nigger boy. Mrs Brown, one who will work hard for you?” “No. I do not want a little nigger boy. I already have a good little nigger boy.” “But, Mrs Brown. I will work harder and better than your little nigger boy. 1 will really.” “No, I am quite satisfied with my little nigger boy, thank you.” Sambo put down the receiver. As he left the store, the man asked him if he really wanted a job, “No,” replied Sambo. “Then why did yon offer your services to Mrs Brown?" “Because,” said Sambo, “I am Mrs Brown’s little nigger boy, and it's good to know what other people think of you now and again!” —Orange Certificate to lan Lyons, age 9 years Hautapu, Hastings. The stately Rolls Royce was pro-» ceeding at a very slow pace; closely followed by a Ford. The Rolls stopped suddenly with the result that the Ford, unable to pull up in time, dashed into the rear of the bigger car. The ever-alert policeman was soon on the spot and demanded the name of the driver of the Ford. “Sure, and me noime be Patrick O’Hara,” said the questioned one. "Begorrah,” said the policeman, “hould yer pace a whoile and I’ll take his noime for backing into yez.” —Orange Certificate to Truby Bale, age 9 years. Havelock North.

“Waiter! This sauce tastes like furniture polish.” “We always serve tnat kind with cabinet pudding, Sir.” —Orange Certificate to Ernest Morgan, age 8 years, Clive.

Little Johnny rushed into the room breathless: “Oh mother, don’t scold me for being late for tea, for I’ve had such a disappointment. A horse fell down, and they said they were going to send for a horse doctor, so I waited, and waited, and. what do you think? It wasn’t a horse doctor at all; it was only a man.” —Orange Certificate to Betty Duncan. age 8 years, Te Mata road, Havelock North. SENIORS. Mother (searching in drawer): “I can’t find a single pm anywhere. Where do they all go, anyhow?” Son: “It’s hard to tell, because they are pointed in one direction, and headed in another.”

—Red Certificate to Iris Harper, age 11 years, Otane.

There was a certain Irishman Who went to the land of Stars and Stripes. On landing he was accosted by two Yankees, who were bent on testing Paddy’s mental calculations. “How manv people live here. Pat?” they asked. “One hundrea ’ answered Pat, with a twinkle in his eyes. Both Yankees burst out laughing, nnd when they had ceased asked him how he made that out. “Faith,” said Pat. “I’m the one, and ve are th.- two noughts ’’ —Red Certificate to Merle Lange, age 13 years. 400 Heretaunga street, Hastings. Drill Sergeant (to awkward recruit) : “Didn't you hear 'About turn’?” Recruit: “No. wot about ’im?" —Orange Certificate to Betty Spence, age 11 years, 910 Oliphant road, Hastings. “If you rhyme the facts of history,” said the new master, “it will help you to remember them. For instance: ‘ln fourteen hundred and ninety-two. Columbus sailed the ocean blue.’ That will help you to remember the discovery of America.” The next dav the teacher thought he would test his theory. “When did Columbus discover Asnenca. &toi«xp»on.” he asked. “In fourteen hundred and ninetythree, Columbus sailed the dark blue sea,” came the answer instatrSy. —Orange Certificate to Erin Heenan a"e years, Te Aute road, Havelock North. “When I started in life,” said the successful man pompously, "I resolved that my motto should be ‘Get thee behind me. Satan.’ ” “Excellent,” murmured a listener. “There's nothing like starting with a good backing." —Orange Certificate to Suzanne Riddiford, age 11 years. Havelock North.