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Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 14, Issue 745, 20 December 1869, Page 4

Companions in Arms. —Twin babies. L? you want to know whether a tree is hollow or not-r-axe it.

The Yorkshire Farmer and the Holy Land. —A farmer in a remote district of the Yorkshire wolds met a country rector who had been two years absent on travel. "Mr Rector," said the farmer, " You've heen to the Holy Land, I hear." " I have, John, and got safe back, you see." " Well," said John, " I often tho't I'd like to hear aboot that spot. It's a fine country, I lay." " Well," said the Rector, " I saw Lebanon, and Jerusalem, and the Twelve Palm Trees, and the wells of water in the Great Desert; and we went across the Jordan and up Mount ." " Excuse me interruptin' you, Mr Rector, noo," said the farmer; "but, if it be a fair question, hoo was turmets (turnips) lookin' oot yander ? " Wha.t Bad Liquor Does. —Many years ago, when the State of Georgia was in its infancy, one of the circuit Judges was Bela Brown, an ancestor of the recent " seoesh " governor of that name. He was a man of ability and integrity, but like a good many distinguished persons of his day, he loved a f ' social glass;" and when the members of the bar would turn in and help, he sometimes drank to excess, and became gloriously fuddled. On one occasion, while travelling on circuit, he reached the village of Dayton, in Dooly county, where the court was to be opened next day, and took quarters with a relative of his wife, that lady accompanying him. After supper Judge Brown strolled over to the only tavern in the place, kept by one Sherritt, where he met a number of his legal friends. A convivial evening was passed, drinks frequently went round, and somewhere about midnight the Hon. Bela was in a state of mind quite the reverse of that implied by the old saw, " sober as a judge." When he was leaving for home, one of the young lawyers, in a spirit of mischief, slily passed some spoons from the tumblers into the Judge's pocket. On dressing himself next morning the eccentric official, putting his hands into his pocket, was greatly perplexed at discovering three or four silver spoons. " Good Heavens, Pqlly !" said he to his wife, «just look here. \ believe I've stolen some of Sherritt's spoons !" " Let's see them," said his wife; " Yes, sure enough; here's the man's initials. Pray, how did you happen to have them in your pocket ?" "I think J must have been drunk when I came home; wasn't IP" inquired the Judge. " Yes," replied the devoted Polly, " you know your old habit when you get among those lawyers." "Certainly, I can understand easy enougli how it all came about. That fellow Sherritt keeps the meanest liquor in the State; but I never supposed that to drink it would make a man steal! " The spoons were duly returned to the landlord, and the Judge went and opened his court, thinking no more of the matter. Several days elapsed, and the business of the court was drawing to a close, when one morning a rough-looking character was arraigned before his Honor for larceny. He pleaded guilty, but said in mitigation that be was drunk at the time he committed the offence. " What is the nature of the charge against the man ? " inquired Judge Brown. " Stealing money from the till at Sher-r ritt's tavern," replied the clerk. "Young man," said the Judge, solemnly, " are you sure you were intoxicated when you took this money P " " Yes, your Honor, I was so jqlly drunk that things looked like they was dancing doublershuffles, and when 1 went out-o'-doors the ground kept coming up and hitting me in the head." " That will dq," replied the Judge. " But tell me, did you get all the liquor you drank at Sherritt's P " "■ Every drop of it, your Honor." ? ' And so you got tipsy on his liquor, and then stole his money P " " That's it exactly; J didn't know what I was doing." Turning tq the prosecuting attorney, the worthy magistrate said, " This is a most extraordinary case, Mr Attorney, and qne, I think, demanding the clemency of the court. Yon will therefore do me the favor of entering a nolle prosequi. That liquor of Sherritt's, I have reason to know, is enough to make a man do anything dirty, I got drunk on it myself the other night, and stole all his spoons. If Sherritt will sell such abominable stuff he ought not to have the protection of this Court. You may release the prisoner, Mr Sheriff," —Geqrgia, |