Varieties.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume XII, Issue 499, 12 August 1867, Page 1

Varieties.

When is a literary work like smoke ?—When it comes in volumes. How otten do we find tliat a mail’s better-hall' gives him no quarter. Awful Effects of Growing Old.—ln an obituary notice of an old citizen, an Ohio paper says, “ He was honest and industrious until enfeebled by disease and old age.” Kota Great Disappointment.—lt is now doubtiu! whether the I’rencb Emperor will make the contribution to the. I'aris Exhibition that was expected from him—a piece of Holland. Warning to Masters or Vessels.—lt is said that a young lady, who was a passenger on hoard a packet ship, sprang out of her berth and jumped overboard on hearing the captain, during a storm, order the mate to haul down the sheets I Contraries.—People say they shell peas when they unshell them ; that they husk corn when I hey unhusk it; that they dust the furniture when ;he’. undust it, or take the dust from it; that they scale fishes when they unscale them. Many men say tinware going to weed their gardens when their gardens arc weedy enough already. Nutty.—A fashionable iriend, on taking leave of a young ensign, who was living in a small apartment, said, - Well, Charles, and how much longer do you intend to stop in this nutshell ? ” To which he wittily replied, “ Until 1 become a kernel.” (lie doubtless belonged to a “ crack ” regiment.)

Salt in Chimnets.—ln building n chimncv, put a quantity of salt into the mortar with which the intercourses of bricks are to be laid. The effect will he that there will never be any accumulation ot soot in that chimney. The philosophy is thus staled:—The salt in that portion of mortar which is exposed, absorbs moisture every damp day, and the soot thus becoming damp, falls down the fireplace. Under the action of the salt, however, the bricks gradually become rotten and crumble away, ana the chimney is very liable to fall. The Tvi’fc.u, Irishman.— lt must be admitted that the typical Irishman is a Proteus. View him in one way, he is the Merry Andrew of Europe, a ragged roguish clown who never opens his mouth but to utter (in a brogue which is itself ridiculous) either a jest or a bull. View him from another tide, he is the suffering victim of unmerited oppression, the patisnt martyr of his ancient faith, the sensitive, poetic Celt, whose phrases arej rich with imagery and pathos, and whose soul breathes through such melodics as the ‘Last Rose of Summer ’ and ‘ Savournccu Declish.’ Mow he is the tipsy bully, brandishing his shillelagh in a faction. tight, and trailing his ragged coat in the mud to provoke his equally pugnacious neighbour to trample upon it; and now he is the silent secretplotting Ribbonman, nourishing his vendetta for years, till he can shoot his unarmed and helpless victim from behind a hedge. Kow he is the most warm-hearted, faithful creature in the world, toiling to reap English harvests and win bread for the wife and children lie tenderly loves; and now ho is the idlest, laziest loon that ever lay smoking bv the side of a ditch, while his cabin fell to piece's for want of repair, and his ragged and half-starved child run uucarcd for about the hogs. The Irishman is religious, chaste, and charitable: lie is also idle, improvident, and vindictive, lie is the bravest of soldiers, and the most arrant moral coward in the world; the hero of IVmtenoy, and the slave of

every vulgar priest. He is the martyr of Europe and the buffoon.—Fraser’s Magazine.

Singular Discovery in A m erica,—Air Reuben Kasmith, residing near Sr. Antony, in Alinnc-' sota, has recently discovered, whilst dieting in the floor of a cellar, extremely curious traces of the existence of a race of men anterior to the Indians of America. A large plate of iron, which was encountered by the pickaxe at a short distance below! the surface, was found, cover: ;l!1 Qritice which led to a spiral staircase of IfiO steps, at the foot of* which was a narrow passage dug through the I white sand, and opening into a vast artificial ca-1 vern. Kext after this sort of vestibule were several smaller chambers. Utensils of brass and of iron | lay scattered about, some having cvideutlv served to make the excavations, and theothers fur domestic puipOSca. 11l OUc CaamuL-f vVei'C*. lar-Vt sO.'uS aua ft. sort of platform resembling a pulpit or the rough j outline of an arm-chair. On the wall u caned a sort of colossal human figure, surrounded with hieroglyphics, and singular or obscene ornaments. In another chamber was a sarcophagus emit,-lining,

hones, which fell to dust as soon as tiicv werei touched, and also rings of iron and of brass, and al strange object made ot silver of an octagonal form. Finally, in a third chamber, was seen a"sort of sacrificial altar, on which there was a mass of asb.es. This discovery is a very singular one. The objects described in tbc notice irom which we extract these details, resemble nothing that is known of the aboriginal race, and must have belonged to an extinct taco, anterior to the, Indians of the Prairies. Copies of the hieroglyphics have been carefully made and kept to be examined by archaeologists’, and there is reason to hope that the result of their investigations will he the addition of an interesting chapter to the records of ethnological science.— Courier des iitats Unis.