Amusing and Instructive.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 7, Issue 357, 12 March 1866, Page 1

Amusing and Instructive.

A Match fob the Boston Lawyer.—Eufus Choate, the great Boston lawyer, in an important assault and battery case at sea, had Dick Barton, chief mate of the clipper ship Challenge, on the stand, and badgered him so for about an hour that Dick got his sale water up, and hauled by the wind to bring a keen Boston lawyer under his batteries. At the beginning of his testimony Dick said that the night was as “dark as the devil, and raining like seven beßs.” Suddenly Mr Choate asked him ‘‘Was there a moon that night?” “ Yes, sir.” “Ah, yes! a moon—.” “Yes, a full moon.” “Did you see it?” “.Note mite.” “Then bow do you know that there was a u:bon ? ” “ The Nautical Almanac said so, and I’ll believe that sooner than any lawyer in the world.” “What was the principal luminary that night, sir?" “Binnaclelamp aboard the Challenge.” “ Ah; you are growing sharp, Mr Barton.” “What the blazes hare you been grinding me this hour for —to make me dull?” “Be civil, sir. And now tell me what latitude and longitude you crossed the Equator in?” *Sho’—you’re jokin’.” “No, sir, I am in earnest, and I desire answer me." “I ehan’t.’’ “Ah, you refuse, do you?” “Yes, I can’t.” “Indeed! You are chief mate of a clipper ship, and unable to answer so simple a question?” “Yes, ’tis the simplest question I ever had asked me. Why, I thought every fool of a lawyer knew there ain’t no latitude at the Equator." That shot floored Eufus. Timely Wabnixo.—A Yankee editor thus confesses to have had dealings with Satan, for the good of his readers of course: “I was silting in my study when I heard a knock at the door. ‘Come in,* I said, when the door|opcnod, and who who should walk in hut—Satau! ‘How do you do,* said ho. ‘Pretty well,’ said I. ‘What are you about—preparing your leader?’ ‘Yes,’ said I, ‘ Ah, I dare say you think you are doing a great deal of good?’ ‘Well,’ said I, ‘not so much as I could wish, but a little good, I hope.’ ‘You have a very large lot of readers,’ said he. ‘Well, pretty well for that,’ said I. ‘And I dare say you are very proud of them,’said Satan. ‘No,’ said I, ‘that I am not, for not one-third of them pay for their papers.’ ‘You don’t say so,’ s;id he. ‘Yes, that I do,’ said I, ‘ not one-third of them pay for their papers!’ ‘Well, they are an immoral lot,’ said he; but let me have a look at the list 5 X think I can manage to do a trifle myself with such people.’" Ctf incurs Epitaph.—The following may he seen in Orayford Churchyard, Kent: —“ Hero lieth the body of Peter Isnell, thirty years clerk of this parish. He lived respected as a pious and mirthful man, and died on his way to church to assist at a wedding, on the 31st March, 1811, aged 70 years. “The life of this clerk was Jast threescore and ten. Nearly bait of which time be bad sung out Amen. In his youth he was married, ike other young men; But his wife died one day, so he chanted Amen. A second he took—she departed; what then ? Be married and buried a third with Amen. But he lost ail his wind after threescore and ten. And here with three wives be waits till again • The Trumpet shall rouse him to sing out Amen.*' Some children, playing on the sands at Saline, coast of Wexford, the other day, found an earthenware vessel which contained about 600 silver coins. The entire collection is English, and belongs to the period of Henry Till. A banker of Paris entered his strong box, and thoughtlessly closed the door after him. His bead-clerk, who had the key, was in the country, and it was not tint’d noon the following day that the entombed banker could be released. An Irish gentleman, at cards, having, on inspection, found the pool deficient, exclaimed, “ Here’s a shilling short. Who put it in ?” * An Irishman, on being told that a certain kind of stove,would “save half the coal,” said, ; “ladade; then, by jabers, PU taka two of them, and •are it all.”