Amusing and Instructive.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 7, Issue 350, 15 February 1866, Page 1

Amusing and Instructive.

Jones, having taken to the study of anthropology, has come to the conclusion that the diffetonee between the two sexes may be stated time: —A man gives two shillings for an eighteenpenny thing he wants, and a woman gives eighteenpence for a two-shiliing thing she does not want.

“Mamma,” said a young lady to her mother “what is ?”—“Emigrating, dear, is a young lady going to live in Australia.”—“What is colonising, mamma?”—“ Colonising, my dear, is marrying there and having a family."—Mamma X should like to go to Australia." Aa editor and his wife were walking out in the bright moonlight one evening. Like all editors’ wives, she was of an exceedingly poetic nature, and said to her mate-—“ Notice that moon; how calm and bright and beautiful!”—“ Could’nt think of noticing it,” returned the editor, “for anything less than the usual rates —a dollar and 50 cents for 12 lines.”

A good story, which we fancy is new, is being told in clerical circles about the Bishop of Oxford. It is said that when the Bishop was travelling eastwards to attend to the Church Congress at Norwich, a lady who was sitting opposite to him commented in flattering terms on the eloquence and ability of the great Anglican divine, quite unconscious that she was addressing him. “But why, eir,” she added, “do people call him Soapy Sam?" “Well, madam,” replied the Bishop, “I suppose it is because he has always been in a good deal of hot water, and always manages to come out with clean hands,"

How to Look after Yoke Baggage.— My . luggage was all right. No sneaking London thief had scrambled up beliiixd and abstracted it. I „ ascertained this in a moment without moving from 'my seat. I will tell you how. It may be useful *to you some day. Keep your eye on the shop windows, and you will see cab, luggage, and all . reflected therein. lam not going to boast that I ; was so clever as to find out this for myself; some- ’ body told me. My instructor was the driver of a twopenny buss. In his love affair he had been cut out by his own conductor, the bow-legged young man who married Polly Perkins of Paddington Green. The driver had carried on with Polly “ previous.” They were in a swell family together, he as footman, and Polly as lady’s-maid. ‘ One day they accompanied their mistress in the - carriage to the London Bridge railway station, ■ lovingf pair sitting in the rumble behind. "When the mistress got out at the station she discharged them both with a month’s wages, but without a character. Joe and Polly, unmindful ' of the laws of reflection, had been larking outside . in the rumble, and their mistress had been a wit- - ness to all their goings on by means of the shopwindows. “It was a lesson to me, sir; and it may be a lesson to' yon, as regards luggage, if not as regards love."—All the Year Round. A Vxsrros KSOH THE Sea.—A few days since a seal entered the house of John Henan, of Bally- ■ kinlor, much to the astonishment of the inmates; ; . who, however, succeeded in capturing the animal, _ which measured eight feet in length, and four in girth at the .broadest part. In its passage from the water, it had to climb over 11 perches of a": • sandy bank to get to Henan’s ho use .—Down Recorder.