Amusing and Instructive.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 7, Issue 349, 12 February 1866, Page 1

Amusing and Instructive.

Recommending a Schoolmaster. — A small village iu Gower having lately lost its schoolmaster, was desirous of obtaining another. Among other applicants for the situation, a person named Mr N , believing himself to bo a “Jit and proper” person to hold the vacant post, made his appearance and presented a letter of recommendation, of which the following is ,a correct copy : “ The Rev. . Sir i have sent N to you Being A Stedey man suting the situation.” The mayor of the north-country borough, on returning thanks for his election, said in the discharge of his official duties he should be “ neither partial nor impartial."

A convict who was about to be sent to the House of Correction, was told they would set him to pick oakum. “ Let’em try it,” said he; -‘Hi tear it all to pieces.” “ No man can do anything against his will,” said an Ordnance Map Office metaphysician. “ Can’t he, though 1” exclaimed a smart sapper, “ Don’t I get up at 5 o’clock six mornings every week against my will?” “ Would you like me to give you a sovereign ?” asked a little boy to a clergyman he mat in the street. “To be sure I should,” was the reply. “Very well, then,” said the boy, “do unto others as you would others should do unto you.” Adam (Sir Frederic) spoke with a strong Scotch accent. One day, when inspecting a regiment, he noticed that the tuft of a soldier's chaco was missing. The man was an Irishman and a bit of a humorist. “Where’s your feyther, (feather) my mon ?” asked Adam. “ He’s in Ireland, your honor,” was the prompt reply, rebuking the singular pronunciation, unconsciously—or, possibly, consciously.

A Rule fob Railway Travelling. —“ Will you allow me, sir, to offer you a cigar ?” “ Thank you, but I never smoke.” “ Have you any objection to my lighting one, sir ?” “Oh ! no, none in the least.” This plan is infallible with the most Puritanical-looking fellow traveller. Never think of putting the second question first. The production of the cigar and tiie generous offer are sure to disarm all crusty objections. Try it.— Punch.

A letter from Rome, in ther Persevcrauza of Milan, relates tho following audacious attack:— “ Since the murder of the two clerks of M. Buldiui, tho money-changer, another robbery has been committed under singular circumstances. A priest, when returning home in tho evening, was stopped by a band of thieves, who began to rifle bis pockets. While so occupied, the rascals, perceiving a French patrol approaching, compelled the priest to intone a portion of the Litany, which he did, they kneeling round him meanwhile and devoutly responding (jrapro nobis! The soldiers taking them for a group of devotees, many of whom thus pray in public, passed on ; and the moment they were out of sight the thieves completed their operation, and left the priest without a single bajocco.” “They have a singular way of punishing robbery in. China,” said a missionary who had just returned from the Celestial Fmpirc, to a number of friends who had called iu to hoar his account of things in that land of marvels. “Does it cure the offender of his unfortunate propensities?” eagerly inquired a “ philanthropist,” whose interest in human beings was in exact ratio with their villainousness. “ Weil,” replied the missionary, “I never saw the punishment inflicted but once. I will tell you how it was done, and then you can judge for yourself as to its reclaiming and converting powers. They put the culprit into a large mortal', and then fired him head foremost against a atone wall.”