Amusing and Instructive.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume 7, Issue 346, 1 February 1866, Page 1

Amusing and Instructive.

A Gentleman Accused op Robbing Himself. —A wealthy Englishman had the misfortune to be robbed of his portmonnaie the other day, containing a large sum, with a ticket for a box at a Parisian theatre, which he had purchased iu the morning, and a carte de vUite. Ha went to the commissioner of police, but could give no clue, and there was no hope. The commissioner, however, took his address, and turning the matter over in his mind, thought it just possible that the thief might have the impudence and audacity to make use of the ticket for the theatre, or sell it to some one who would give a clue to the appearance of the pickpocket. Accordingly, an officer was posted in waiting at the theatre, duly concealed from observation, and awaiting the possibility of the thief, and to hie great joy a gentleman appeared shortly after the doors were opened accompanied by two ladies, presented the ticket, and was ushered into the box. As soon as they were seated, the delicate policeman tapped, beckoned monsieur quietly out, so as not to make a disturbance, closed the door, and gave orders that the ladies were not to leave. Then taking the gentleman by the arm, he said “ This way monsieur—you are my prisoner> “ For what ?” was the surprised and somewhat indignant question of the proprietor of the ticket box. “ This is what you will loam—this way,” and ha was led by a side stair case to a dismal room, where he found himself in company with two other sergents de ville, to whom the order was given to search. “ Ah, as I thought," said the officer, “ here is the very portmonnaie and the carte de vinte : where is the money ?” The gentleman seemed now rather amused than surprised and indignant, and after a good deal of explanation, it turned out, and was Satisfactorily proved, that this was the identical Englishman who had lost the money, but to whom the thief had in the after-part of the day politely returned the portemonnaie, ticket for the theatre, and carte de vitite, but retained his money, as, he wrote, a reward for his honesty.

Laubs Suckled by a Cow.— A correspondent of the Mudgee Liberal, a New South W ales paper, writes “that, at the residence of Mr William Martin, Dungeree, there is a heifer which, in calving, lost her calf, and singular to say, she afterwards took to some motherless lambs, and is to be seen every day suckling four of them with as much love and care as if they were her own, while a fifth stands by until one of the others is satisfied, when it rushes in and seises the abandoned teat. The cow is so fond of her adopted progeny, that she cannot bear them out of her aight. if they happen to lag behind a little, she looks round, and calls them, when they immediately scamper off after their adopted mother When she comes home in the morning, she goes to where the lambs are shut up, and will not leave till they are turned out.”

Seat of Wah.—Many persons are now anxiously examining the way to find the "seat of war.” Tubbs says ha found it last summer without a map. He discovered it by sitting down upon a wasp’s nest in a hay-field. Mr Wendel Philips was riding in a railroad cap when he was addressed by a man of such rotundity that he seemed to carry everything before him. The man asked Mr Phillips what was the object of his life. “To benefit the negro," was the bland reply. “Well, then, why don’t you go south to do it?” “That is worth thinking of. I see a white cravat around yonr neck! pray what is the object of your life ?” “To save souls from hell.” 41 May I ask you whether you propose to go them to do it.”—New York paper. A Gascon officer, hearing some one celebrating the exploits of a prince who, in two assaults upon a town, had killed six men with bis own hand: ** Bah I" said he, “ 1 would have you to know that the very mattresses I sleep upon are stuffed with nothing else but the whiskers of those whom I have sent to slumber in the other world!”

A Stump Ohaxob. —An Ohio stumper, while making a speech, paused in the midst of it, and exclamed, “ Sow, gentlemen, what do you think ?” Instantly a man rose in the assembly, and, with one eye partially closed, modestly replied, “I think, sir—l do indeed sir—l think if you and I were to stomp the country together, we could tell' more lies than any other -two men in the country, air 5 and I’d not say a word during the Whole tine, sak"~3hs American Joe Miller.