MR. THINGUMBOB IN THE HOUSE, OR WHAT REPORTERS HAVE TO CONTEND WITH.

Hawke's Bay Times, Volume IV, Issue 198, 28 October 1864, Page 3

MR. THINGUMBOB IN THE HOUSE, OR WHAT REPORTERS HAVE TO CONTEND WITH.

Mr. Thingumbob, member of the Benighted Boroughs, is a representative man in more senses than one. He thinks himself unfairly treated by the Press. He accuses the reporters of great sins both of commission and of omission. What he says, he says is left unreported, and what he says he did not say appears on record against him. The reporters think Mr. Thingumbob ungrateful; and say, if they had been at all revengeful or malicious, they would report him verbatim. In that state he would be a caution to grumblers. This extreme step will probably not be taken except as a last resource ; Mr. Thingumbob’s gratitude is regarded by them rather as a defect than from badness of heart—more from ignorance than from wickedness. When Mr. Thingumbob made his maiden speech—if we may be pardoned for calling that jumble of incoherent nonsense a speech—lie was painfully conscious of having made an egregious fool ot himself. On resuming his seat after that great effort, he resolved never again to attempt anything of the kind. He regretted he had not been defeated—that he had ever become a candidate—that he had not attended to his own business; and wished the free and independent electors who had voted for him to the devil. Mr. Thingumbob’s visits to the refreshment room that night were frequent. The house broke up at a late honr; and when the honorable member retired to bed it was not to rest. He past a sleepless night. He got up before daylight and waited with feverish anxiety for the mornings papers. His eagerness to see himself in print on the one hand, and his dreadful conciousness of having made a fool of himself on the other, were almost too much for his weak nerves. Mrs. 'ihingmnbob who had accompanied him to Sydney on liis taking his seat for the Benighted Boroughs, was much alarmed, and, suspecting the cause, quietly resolved to persuade him to resign. She did not, however, venture to introduce The subject in his then pertubed state. At last daylight and the papers came. Mr. Thingumbob convulsively grasped at the clammy sheet. No criminal who had been condemned to death ever read his reprieve with greater relief than Mr. Thingumbob read the speech which he was there said to have delievered. The reporters, with that good nature for which they are remarkable, seeing that it was Mr. Thingumbob’s first attempt, had reported him fully ; and wishing to encourage rather than deter those who, from want of practice or timidity, had failed to give utterance to their ideas in a coherent and rational manner, they had taken the trouble to put his speech, as nearly as they could, in the very words which he ought to have used. It read from beginning to end smoothly and sensibly. No stammering—no stopping in the middle of sentences—no “a-a-a-h—Mr. a-a-a-h— Sir—a-a-a-a-h— I think a-a-a-h that Mr. Shuttlecock—l mean —a-a-a-h —the hon’ble member—a-a-h for the the—the hon’ble member for Wog Wog—Sir, I think.” Nothing of this kind appeared in Mr. Thingumbob’s speech, as it appeared in the papers. The reporters had “ been to his failing very blind” indeed, and Mr. Thingumbob, after reading it over three or four times began to feel very comfortable and to look very complacent. He thought it read a good deal better than Mr. Shuttlecock’s speech. Mrs. Thingumbob saw that it was all right, and inwardly rejoicing, held her peace. By the time Mr. Thingumbob had done his breakfast, all traces of trouble haci vanished from his not very intellectual physiognomy ; he had actually deluded himself into the notion that he really had delivered the speech as reported. From that time his fate was sealed. Ambition took possession of the deluded nian. He really possessed some knowledge of the matter on which he attempted to address the House on the first occasion, and the reporters had managed to extract a few ideas from the incoherent mass of words in which they were buried. They had done Mr. Thingumbob a cruel kindness. He went to the Assembly next day, determined to take a prominent part in any debate which might arise. He no longer felt a want of confidence in himself. Already the Treasury benches were beginning to occupy a conspicuous place in his imagination. In inis ease it was not distance, but proximity, which lent enchantment to the view. What, after all, if he was to be “ tno coming man?” Why should ho not be? Who had a better claim than himself? Filled with these ideas, and burning with ambition, he attempted to catch the Speaker’s eye. That gentleman, no«ever, with his well-known benevolence, tried to prevent Mr. Thingumbob making a fool of himself in addressing the House on matters which he knew nothing about, and evaded bis frequent appeals to optical recognition. When, however the House went info committee, Mr. Thingumbob commenced his attacks on the visual organs of the chairman. He at last captured Mr. Wisdom by surprise. The business of the committee was an amendment, moved by Mr. Smalltalk, the honourable member, for Kingbrayon, on the 461st clause of the “ Enforcement of the construction, repair, cleansing, and periodical examination of

the public and private sewers, gutters, drains, and conduit Act Continuation and Amendment Bill.” Having succeeded in obtaining possession of the floor; here is WHAT MB. THINGUMBOB SAID : “ Mr. Wisdom—A-a-I rise. Sir, to—in tha amendment —the motion. Sir, moved—a-a-a-moved by the—the amendment proposed—the clause proposed—to second—to support—tha clause a-a-a-h-h-h—that is, the—to oppose the clause—oppose the clause—oppose— that is to support the a-a-a-h-h-h amendment of my learnt a-a-a my lion hie friend—the amendment promoved by my hon’ble friend the member • for—my hon’ble friend, Mr. Smalltalk that is, the hon’ble member for To King—yes, the hon’ble member for Kingbrayon a-a-a-a, I think, Sir, in—the clause ought —the clause in question—ought to be—would °be highly—very injurious, in—a-a-a-h unless altered unless altered—a-a-a-h unless amended—the amendment pro—that is the—as amended—a-a-a-a as proposed to be amended—would work—would not work well. Sir, I—l—l—think, private property—Sir—public welfare—would inflict—would interfere with—private property in its present shape—that is, as pro—if carried out—it would—probably interfere. I shall—Sir—l-I-I trust this House, Sir, will hesitate—that is, will refuse to sanction—to pass— to pass—to pass—to legislate—that is, to sanction—a-a-a-h-h-h—----any interference—any undue—it ought not to allow I shall oppose—Sir—oppose such —a-a-a principle, Sir.” At this stage of Mr. Thingumbob’s address everybody seems to be busily occupied with nothing in particular. One honorable member yawns, and halt the House follow his example. Two or three gentlemen are talking at each other across the table ; others are conversing in audible whispers ; one is seized with an uncontrollable fit of coughing ; another closes with a large volume of reports loudly ; several leave the chamber ; and the only person who pays or pretends to pay any attention to Mr. Thingumbob is the unfortunate Chairman. That gentleman is strongly tempted to request him to shut up, but refrains for divers reasons; and Mr. Thingumbob having at length delivered himself at his ent ire satisfaction, and to the great relief of all present, sat down. The public will pardon our omission of the latter part of Mr. Thingumbob’s speech. He flattered himself that he had achieved a great success. He occupied the House for half an hour with a confused jumble of words, among which the reporters caught something about—“ private—rights—sacrifice—public welfare, &c., &c.,” He probably believed he had expressed what he intended to say very clearly—much more so, he was certain, than in his first speech. He thought it would be easy for the reporters, as it was obviously their duty, to chronicle his sentiments at length on such an important matter. He was incapable of perceiving the consideration with which lie had been treated in his maiden elfort. He looked forward with confidence to seeing himself reported in full next morning. He was up betimes, and getting possession of the paper of course turned to the Parliamentary intelligence ; glancing down the long column of small type he at last came to the following:— mu. thingumbob’s speech as reported. Mr. Thingumbob said the xiroposed amendment would interfere with private rights. that was all—one line and a half—and even that was directly opposed to what he said or what he intended to have said. Mr. Thingumbob was indignant. He had promised Mr. Smalltalk to support his amendment, and there was “ that rag of a paper” representing him as having opposed ! It was too bad ;it was a breach of privilege. Ho would appeal to the Speaker. He would bring the matter before the House—and the result was that he sincerely wished he had held his tongue. The Stab oe the South. —the s.s. Star of the South, from Lyttelton, bound to Napier, put into this harbor yesterday morning, to repair her furnaces. She will proceed on her voyage on Thursday next.— lndependent, October 25. The ship Atlas was advertised to leave Wellington for this port on the 26tli iust. The Strathallan, from Gravesend to Hawke’s Bay, July 21, put in at Portsmouth with stem and cutwater started, having been in collision with the Anne, of Shields, for Cadiz, July 25, sailed again August 7.— New Zealand Examiner, August 16. We extract the following from the New Zealand Examiner , August 16 ;—The Ceylon, wijh the light portion of this mail, arrived at Marseilles on the 12th. The letters and papers were delivered in London yesterday morning. The heavy portion may be expected at Southampton about the 21st. The departures for New Zealand during the past month have been the Strathallan, for Napier; the Chile, for Otago,- the Dona Anita, for Southland and Canterbury ; and the Talbot and Nimroud, for Auckland, the above vessels have been despatched by Messrs. Shaw, Savill, and Co. The Napier, Captain Petherbridge, has arrived from Nelson and Napier with wool and a large party of cabin passengers.