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Hawke's Bay Times, Volume II, Issue 54, 10 July 1862, Page 6 (Supplement)

“ Sir, you are just like the motion of a dog’s tail”—“How so ?”—“Because you are a wag !” An old maid being at a loss for a pincushion, made use of an onion. On the following morning she found that all the needles had tears in their eyes. “ Tommy, what is longitude ?”—“ A clothes line, father.”—“ Prove it, Tommy.”—“ Because it stretches from pole to pole,” said young hopeful. Among the conditions of sale by an auctioneer in a midland county was the following:—“The highest bidder to be the buyer, unless some gentleman bids more.” A young lady who lately gave an order to a milliner for a bonnet, said :—“You are to make it plain, and at the same time smart, as I sit in a conspicuous place in church.” At a late ball in Paris, a very stout gentleman, a proprietor of a bad catarrh and a very charming wife, insisted, very inconveniently at the close of a polka, that Madame should return to the bosom of her family. “Never mind,” she said to her partner, “ask me to dance in the'next quadrille all the same—l will find a way to stay for it.” Slipping out while the sets were forming, she went into the gentlemen’s dvessingroom, found her husband’s hat, and threw it out of the window. Then returning, and requesting her spouse to find his hat and then call the carriage, she accepted partners for the next six dances, quite sure of two hours before the hat could be found.