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Hawke's Bay Times, Volume II, Issue 46, 15 May 1862, Page 3

"Wanted to know, whether it is sure sign, when a man slips down in the mud, that lie has had a drop too much. A fly in a man’s butter is decidedly the least pleasant of all kinds of butterflies. An actor in Richard HI., who had nothing to repeat but that passage, “My lord, stand back, and let the coffin pass,” when he came to it said, “My lord, stand back, and let the parson cough.” Judge Jeffries, of notorious memory, pointing with his cane to a man who was about to be tried, said: “There is a rogue at the end of my cane.” The man to whom he pointed looking at him, asked, “At which end, my lord?” Exthemes.— Mrs. W., the widow of a celebrated musican, had inscribed upon his monument, “ He is gone were only his music can be excelled.” The widow af a pyrotechnist saw this, and had inscribed on her husband’s tomb, “He is gone where only his fireworks can be excelled.” The Ladies heali.y are to be Pitied. —What with the corset-makers continually stealing their crinolines and boning their stays, the men stealing their hearts, aud time remorselessly robbing many of them of the “ fair roses on their cheeks,’ they have enough to do to retain their equanimity.” Justice should be a man’s governor ; prudence his counsellor; temperance his friend; fortitude his champion ; hope his food ; charity his house ; sincerity his porter; wit his companion ; patience his mistress ; reason his secretary ; judgment his steward. When Oliver first coined his money, an old cavalier, looking upon one of the new pieces, read the inscription on one side, “ God with us on other, “The Commonwealth of England.” “I see,” said he, “ God and the Commonwealth are on different sides.” In a crowded neighborhood an enterprising barber has placed a notice in his shop to the following effect: —“ln consequence of the repeal of the paper duty, gentlemen can be shaved, washed, and have a new collar for 2d.”— Court Journal. An Irishman hearing of another who was a hundred years old said, contemptuously. “ Pshaw ! Why, if my grandfather was alive he would now be a hundred and fifty years old!”