HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 67, 11 December 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

| "Half the City Council Are Crooksl" iran a glaring headline. A retraction in full was demaided of the editor. Next afternoon the headlines read: — "Half the City Council Aren't Crooks." «s> s> s> ®> *T think, coalman, there are several large pieces of coal in your cart wMek have fallen out of my sacks." ' *1*11 briug 'em in, mum. And there 's a bit in my eye you can 'ave as well when I get it out."

Two golfers — one just married and • the other a conflrmed woman-tater— were having a round on a local course. They reached the eighteenth tee, when the newly-wed one exclaimed; "There ;s my wife standing near the green, I must get a goodv drive at tMs hole.*' "Don't be silly," said Ms opponent;. "you're no chance of hitting her; she'a quite three 'hundred yards away."

An officer noted for Ms fastidiousness was making a tonr of inspection accdmpanied by an N.C.?« On entering «ne building he was informed that it was being used as a temporary Sundaysehool. "Oh! I see,*'* he " xemarked, *'I thougbt the atmosphere was xather sanctimonious. ' ' To Ms surprise and amusement the N.C.O. replied, "Sorry, sir, leaVe that to me — 1*11 have a fatigue party in and have it thoroughly. cleaned first thing f in the morning."

The tailor was selling Ms best friend a new suit, He was raving about tho garment. "I'm telling you, Harry," he said, "that. even your best friend won't re* cognize you in that suit! Just take a walk outside f or a minute and get the feel of the garment." Harry went out and returned a moment later. The proprietor xushed up to him with a happy smile. "Good morning, strangery" he boarned. * 'What can I do for you?"

Sympathetic. The man who wasn't quite equal to the task of distinguisMng officers' rank by their insignia was conversing with a colonel, Several times he called Mm "Captain," then, as if not sure, he asked: "You are a captain, aren't you?" "Well," said tho colonel, slightly amused, "I'm not any more, although I was once," "That's too bad," consoled the civilian. "Drink, I suppose?"*