HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 55, 27 November 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

I l A man. bought a canary from an ►•animal dealer. "You're sure this bird can sing?" ,he said, suspiciously, "He's a grand singer." The customer left. A week later he reappeared. "Sayl This bird you sold me is lame! " "Well, what did you want? A singer or a dancerf "

He is a new resident in the block of flats, and at one in the moroing, just as he was passing her door, a woman rushed out, attacked him, scratched him, tore his hair, and left hiB almost a wreck, ; Suddenly the woman exelaimed: **Oh, dear, but I'm sorry — I thought you were my husband. I am sorry,' ' "You ought to be," snarled .the victim, "I 'll have to go through all that again when I reach my.own floor."

The curate announced to th« eongregation that a special aervice of baptism would be held on the following Sunday, and particularly requested that all the infants should be brought to the church exactly at three o'clock. The old vicar, who was deaf, thought the curate was speaking of the aew hymn-books which had just been issued. He therefore added, "Any person .not provided with one can obtain it in the vestry for 2s 6dg or with red backs for 6d extra,"-

An actor appearing at a crowded seaside resort for a week had some difficulty in securing accommodation. In the end he was forced to consider some very grubby diggings. He said to the landlady,'.' Are these sheets cleanf" "Lor' bless you, yes, sir," replied the woman. •.•"The last 'gentleman 'ad 'em took 'is swxm reg'lar every Friday."

A school-teacher who asked a girl t i buy a grammar received the iolxowing aote from the child's mother: — "I do not desire that my Matty ic ?age in grammar and I prefer ner in ngage in more useful studies and er:. earn her to write and speak proper im >elf. I went through two grammars ; :an't say as they did me no good. prefer Matty to ingage in Gcrmai . Irawing and good vokal music on t xiano."