HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 49, 20 November 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

» — The victory-mad horde swarmed ©b Lto the field intent on reducing'the goalposts to a mass of souvenir kindling. Down went men and girls in the maelstrom of humanity, and chivalrous men rushed to the rescue. An elderly man was acting as pilot for the rescuers who were carrying injured girls out of the crowd. He halted one fellow carrying a limp form in 'his arms, shouting: * 'Give her to me. I'll carry her up to the stands! ' ' "You will, will you?" pa'nted the fellow. "There's plenty more in there. Go and get one of your own."

A young woman went to the managei of a touring theatricel company and asked for a job. "What experiencef " inquired tho manager,"I haven't had any experience," ihe replied; "I've just had an awful quaxrel with my husband and' his family, so I decided to annoy them by going ©n the stage.".

. *Ts that you, darling? M-may I bring three friends home to supperf" "Why, certainly, dear." *T say, did you hear what I saidf " . *'Of course, dear: you asked if you could bring home three friends!" "Then l'm sorry, madam, I'v© got .the wrong number! "

The local hotel -at Woopville had caught fire and the firemen were playing their hoses with great skill. Suddenly a customer wandered up. 'Do you think you '11 save the hotel?" he said to a fireman. "Certain to,'1' was the reply. "Well, how about playing the hose on- the slate behind the dOor!"

There was to be a christening party in the home of a farmer. "Sir," said the minister, taking his host aside before the ceremony, "are you prepared for this solemn event?" "Oh, yes, indeed," said the farmer. "I've got two hams, pickles, cakes— " "No, no! I mean spiritually prepared". "Well, I think so; two gallons of whisky, a case of gin, and three cases of beer." ^ §> 5> $ ''Well, my man," said the doctor, "what's your trouble?" "I have a loud buzzing sound like the aoise of many voices in m'y ears," replied the patient. "When did you first notice thisf" _ 4 'The week after getting married."