HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 37, 6 November 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

1 ifcfc - ....... ... m yy. ? Smart > } you make your neighbour j , feep hens in his own yard ? " "One hight I had half-a-dozen eggs fcndBrr j|\bush r,ih >my garden, and next Illet him see me gather them. 1 1 •win*k bothercd after that." £ ' "♦ ^ ^ SBfaH, my dear boy, that it 's a fine tbing iso have a lovely woman in your "Yes, the trouble is that one ends up .. hy having her on one's hands! "

1 All Square. The railway eompartnient contained . two men, and a very cold wind was teo^nng* 'One insisted on having the window open." 'His - fellow-passenger complained, bnt to nq purpose. At last the man who had complained • *pened the other window, The fresh-air flend glared. "What's the gamef' "Draughts," .was the reply, "and it's your move."

• A woman interested in gqod works ran a Sunday-sehool class in her village. She asked her husband on his next visit to the nearest town to buy her - a text for the schoolroom, . but after he had departed she xemembered she had not told him the wording of the texttshe-wanted, nor the size, sO' she wired to his hotel: — **Unto Us a Child is Born 3. -Feet Xong and 4 Feet Wide. ''

Unfair. Tiro fishermen sitting on a bridge, thair lines in the water, made a bet as t.o which would catch, the first fish. One «f them gqt a bite, ; and gpt so exeited that he fell off the .bridge. "Oh, well," said- the other, "if you're goiBg to dive for them, the "bet 's offl" . .. .

Down a Peg • The film critie was unimpressed by the actor playing the he-man role. In his review he wrote: — * 'His idea of how a he-man should be played was to throw out his chest three inehes and follow it slowly across the screen.^ 13 ® S> "Who was that little girl I saw you with, Tommy? "I dunno, Daddy. I just pulled a bag of toffee out' of my pockst, an' there #he was."

HUMOUR "[ S • BuU's-Eye. After opening the village fete, tho Bishop was persuaded to take his stand at the wicket in the cricket match which followed. For the first ball the bowler, a young curate, bowled a fcarful "wide." "I say," Temarked the Bishop, "do try to keep the ball in the parish." The next ball broko short and caught him fairly and squarcly in the stomaeh. "At any rate," murmured the bowler, "that was well within the diocese. my lord." %

A frequenter of one of our betterknown seashores notieed a, man who went bathing every *day with a straw hat on his head. Dpon inquiring the use of this seemingly supferfiuous-piece of headgear, he received the reply: — "You* see, I'm not a very good swimmer, and when my hat begins to float I know I'm out of my depth:"

-•'It was so cold where we were," said the Axctie explorer, ''that the cane dlevfroze and we couldn't blow it out.'* "That's nothing," said his rival. "Where we were the words came out of our months in pieces of ice, and we had to fry them to see what we were talking about." *

• Mxa Green was putting in a good word for her husband at the gossip party. "He's very generous, you know," she said. "I gave him a large box of cigars for his birthday, and, would you believe it, he only smoked une'of them and gave the rest to his friends."

One . of Britain 's popular blondo beauties, a London actress, reeeived in her' dressing-room a woman admirer who had called to "talk art." The conversation had fallen flat, due largely to the fact that the beautiful blonde would talk of nothing but herself . Finally, the visitor turned in desperation to an old stand-by. "I suppose," she said, "that your great ambition is to play Shakespeare?" "Well," said the actrqss, "i| has written some nice parts." — —