HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 26, 23 October 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

[ Pishy. S1 An intoxicated man was making Ms way home in snake-like fashion during the early hourse of the morning, and on passing a shop containing a large assortment of fishing tackle, he noticed ; hanging from above the shop window a fishing rod and line with a toy iish dangling on the end. - Without any noise he topk off his boots and tip-toed his way to the shop door, on which he knocked lightly. Getting no answer, he knocked again, louder. This time his knocking drew somebody to the bedroom window.- "Hullo, there, what do you want!" "Hioi*' came the reply, "come down quietly and pull your line in. You've got a bite." S> ❖ ^ "John, you must discharge the cook. She was impertinent to me and threatened to throw me out of the kitchen. "The idea! I "shall certainly discharge her. No one can talk to my wife like that and not answer to me for it." "I'm glad to hear you say that, John; Maggie is in the kitchen now." "All right. I'm going to the office. When you hear the telephone ringj tell Maggie I want to speak to her."

On View. Two American boys wero on a yhit to their cousin in .tMs country. The visitors were boasting about tbeir respective fathers. Said oue: "My father built the talleat skyscraper in the States. Look me over boys — look me over,** "That's nothing," remarked the eecond. "My4 father desigiied the largest air liner in the world, Look me over, boys — look me over." For a second or two : their English cousin jemained silent. "Well," said ' one of the cousins, "with what remarkable achieyoment can'we credit your father!" ; "Look me over, boys — look " mo! over," came the quiet answer, • .»

Obeying Orders, The new Irish butler was announcing the guests. "Mr Jones, Mr« Jones, Miss Jones," he said,"Shorten your aunouncements, Patrick/"- whispered Ms eanployer. "Mrs Jones and family would have been suificient." The next arrivalg were:. "Mr Penny and family." "Fourpence," announced Patrick, -7 Small Rations. ^ A long, sleek, streamlined,.Mgli-pow-ered car slid into the driveway of a petrol station. "How many, sir!*' asked the attendant, giving the car an admiring look. The motorist stuck his hand in his pocket and said: "One gallon, please." "One gallon!" said the attendant," glancing over the car. "What you tryin' to do — wean it?*'

"Father," said Willie, "will you give me a penny for a poor man who is crying outside!" •• « "Certainly,*' replied father. "What is he crying for!" "He's crying: 'Ice cream— -a penny each,' ■" said Willie' having got the penny.