HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 14, 9 October 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

f $t iu Saturday afternoon, and the loeal .juniors were greeting their op ponents, who had- just arrived on the ericket field. After two-of the visitors had ftrolled across the" field, one oi them said to the captain of the home team: "Hi, mate, there ain't much grass _on this 'ere .pitch ' of.yours.", . "WeB," was the reply, "what do you expectT You ain't corrie 'ere to graze, 'ava you?" " ' :

■ti ■' JL TriAn called on the news editor of a local paper and announced that his jancle had been taMng the paper for fifty-five years. "That's fine,,a said the news editor. *T hope he'll continue to do so." "Oh, yes, he will. I want to tell you sbout hitri^ He has always been a model of propriety^ Ha has never touched liquor or tobacco. He haa jxever nsed profanityj He has never been mixed up with women. He in« dulges in no vices and no excessps. And to-morrow he wili celebrate his jeigbtieth birthday. "

A well-known playwiight was. writing a new play for an actress who thought a great deal of herself. For weeks she had been pestering the poor TTmu to tell. her something about the plot. He was . adament, however, and refused to give her even a hint. "Well, you might at least tell Jne this," said the actress at last. "Does my new part give me a chance to please my public?" "Oh, yes, I should think ao," came the bored reply; "you see, you die in the first act."

The bus was travelling fast, trying to mahe up lost time, when the old lady begged the conductor to stop at a certain number along the road. Furious at the delay, he. complied, The old lady rose slowly to her feet, holding up a little d'/g. "Look, Fido," s'le cried, "that's the house your moth ,r was born in." Then she sat lown again.

"In some provincial theatres the ar- 1 rangements and construetion are ab- ' surdly old-fashioned," remarked a conceited actor. "Last wcek, for instance, ' t was playing Hamlet at Seaport; there was an alarm of fire, and it took ten ninutes for the audience to pass ;hrough the doors." "The poor fellow was lame, I supJose,," was tlie comment. .