HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Volume 81, Issue 8, 2 October 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

lA • "Bemeimber, my good man," said tlie from&n .visitor kindly, ' 'that stone walls do jjot & prison make nor iron baTs a eage.'* "Well, they've got me hypnotized. Ihat'a all, mum, ' ' said the old convict. The very slow train pulled up alonggtdp a fine str»tch of pasture land. "[What 's the Teason for the delay, guard!'-* asked an^irate passenger. "Nothing much, sir," said the guard. •1A.COW has strayed on to the line. We'll be moving again in a minute. ' ' A mile or so faTther on the train came ta % standstill again. The same passenger's head was thrust out of the earriage window. "What's the matter this time?" he jrMTed. "It's quite all right, sir, ' ' the guard replied. "We've just caught that cow up again."

Neat, It was a warm day, and a dull casa eoneerning the xights of certain river commissioners was being argued in ,conrt. Counsel made speeches of interminable length, and the judge fell into a doze. "But we must have water, my lord," ihuudered the lawyer in such stentorian ton.es that the judge came to. '•All right,'' ' he mumbled, hastily, 'Hbut only a very little in mine."

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Oue of the Family. Bill was loudly praising his cat as a good mouser, and invited his friend George to see it perform. Pnssy was sitting by the fireside when suddenly a mouse ran right across its path, but pnssy took no notice. "I say," said George, "did you see that, Bill!" "Oh, that's all right; that mouse was one of our own. Wait until a stranger comes in." /

J - HelpfuL The old man went up to a bookstall and asked the attendant, "Can you- let me have a copy of the Daily Roarer for a week back?" "Certainly," said the attendant, "but .•Ipn't you think a mustard plaster would he better!" ♦ $>$>$> Cuetomer: "I warn you, I shan't be ble to pay for this suit for three -onths."' _ * Tailor: "Oh, that's all right, sir. Jon't worry." "Thanks. When will it be ready!" "In three months, sir." j

Rough "And how do you find the razor, sirf" asked the barber. "Didn't know I was being shaved," replied the customer. "Very glad, I'm sure," said the barber, v.rith a gratified smile. * ' *Nc; thought I w&« being sandpaperd." * *