HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 202, 11 September 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

N ew Breed. Not so long ago motor- cars in Ireland were few and far .botweeii. An old farmer was astonished when he saw gliding along the road without any visible means of loeomotion; but when a motor-bike followed it round a bend in the road his eyes fairly bulged. ''Begorra!" he remarked to his wife, "who'd a thought of that thing having a colt?" $> S> «®> ^ Safety First. "May I ask what that strange thing is you're carrying under your arm?" the hotel clerk asked the visitor. "That's a fire escape," explained the visitor. "I always carry it in case of fire so that I can let myself down from the hotel window." *'A good idea, but I'd like to remind you that our terms for guests with fire escapes are cash in advance."

One Good Turn — , A kind-hearted old lady noticed a trampish-looking man gazing into an eating-house window. She xound tho sight touching, and wishing to give man the price of a good dinner without hurting his feelings, pretended ci.- ,.d picked up a coin from the pavcment. "Look what I've found!" she said, as she handed him a fiorin, "You can have it; it was nearest to you." The man made a grab for the coin. "Thank you kindly," he said with a grin of delight.. *'It's just dropped out o3 my pocket! Wait a minutel I'll give you a penny for yourself! "

An American and a Scot were. walking near .the foot of one of the Scottish mountains. The Scot, wishing to impress the visitor, produeed a famous echo to be heard in that place. When the echo returned cleaTly after nearly four minutes, th'e Scotsman, turned to the American, exelaimed: "There, mon, ya canna show anything like. that in your country." "Oh, I don't know,33 said the American. "I guess we can better that, Why, in may camp in the Rockies, when I go to bed I just lean out of the window and call out, 'Timo to get up; waka up!.3 and eight houxs afterwards thfl fecho comes back and wakes ma,3'*

What's the Use? George was courting, Although' only 5ft, in height, he was. in loye with a very tall girl. Oue day during their rambles ithey found themselves in the village blacksmith's deserted shop, George jimped on to tho anvil, threw Ms arms round •his sweetheart, and Mssed herri .Then they continued their xamble. An hour later, George murmured: "Kiss me, darling." "Certainly not," came the response. "No moro to-day." "In that casey" said George, "I'll throwthis anvil away." S> >$> Explained. An old sea captain, well known for his powers of exaggeration, was describing a voyage at supper one night. ' 'Whilo cruising in the Pacific, ' ' said he, "we passed an island which was positively red with lobsters." "But," objeeted ono of the company, "lobsters are not red until boiledj" 'Of course not," replied the captain, "but this was a volcanic island with boiling springs."