HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 196, 4 September 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

1 9 taan, anxious to hook seats for a fertain play, rang np a number. •SUan I get a box for two to-nightf " N asked. •*We don't have boxes for two," ^sswered the voice at the other end, ^ that the theatre?" this is the nndertaker's." } €> 8> S> - 2£n Ameriean visitor was standing on (Ihe platform when the "Eoyal Scot" Srushed through; "Do you call that an express?" he idrawled to the poTter. "B-leas you, no, sir!'-* replied the ^orter. "That's Bill doin' a bit o' •h-sntin^ He'U be back in a minute."

A. man in Chicago. was grumbling jabont the heat. Said another, who had just retnrned from a trip through the Soiith: "Hotl Boy, you don't know ■what hot is. One day in Mississippi I •aw. K dog chasing a cat and they were botk walking." ® A) jrarse, an efficient young woman jsamed Panline, was walking along the Btreet i»ne morning, on her way to a private ease, when she saw a car xolling slowly down the street, without a idriver. e Without hesitation, she ran out, hopped on to .the rnnning board, and applied the brake, ,The car stopped, and Panline, wanting to go right through with the thing, began looking round for the driver. Jnst then a man appeared on the pavement, and she said to him, "Is this you car?" He said 51 was, "Well," Panline said, "it was rolling flown the street." "I know it was, miss," the fellow ■aid, wistfully. "I was pushing itJ"

A very keen cricketer took his wife tQ watch him play. Going in first wicket, he batted right through the innings and saved his side. Quite gleased with himself, he immediately tvent to where his wife was seated, and . greeted her. She retnrned his greetings as follows: •'Other women's husbands can go in and come out again in order to be with their wdves, btft not you, No, you must stay there the. whole afternoon and leave me alone." . ^ ^ ^ Not That Kind. a xeacher was giving a class a lesson m* natural history. "Now, Jimmy," she said to one of ;he boys, 4can you tell me what bats Jo in winter?" "Yes, miss," replied Jimmy. "If you don't oil 'em they split! ' '

Tea for One. The express thundered north war ds through the night. Suddenly there was a grinding of brakes, and the train came to a standstill. "Windows wero dropped and anxious faces appeared. The guard left his van and, flashing his lamp before him, went down the lengtli of .the train, inquiring who had pulled the emergency chain. He came at length to a compartment where a dear old lady sat benignly. "Thank you so much," sho said; *'you need not have stopped the train. What I want is a nice cup of tea, with two lumps. of suga ,jg nl.ease,"