HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 196, 4 September 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

. The strong man was explaining his »act to an agent. "I place a cobblestone 011 my head," he asserted, "and then my assistant picks up- a sixteen-pound sledge-hani-mer, swings it with all liis riiight — and cracks the cobblestone in half! " The agent was amazed. "That's marvellous, " he exclaimed. "But how about your head — don't you ever feel it?"' The strong man waved a hand. "Sure," he admitted. ''That's why I sometimes carry aspirins. ' '

"Did you hear about Smith, the bank eashier? He's stolen fifty thousand pounds from his bank, and run ofE with his friend's wife! " "Good heavens! And who '11 take his Sunday-sehool class to-morrow?" $>$> "Delighted to have met you, Mrs Higgins," gushed the new Tesident. "Do come over and see us one night." "So sorry, dear," replied Mrs Higgins, "but we never go anywhere. You seey my husband is partially paraly* zed." "Oh, don't let that worry you. My husband is that way anore than half his time." &$>$> $ "How long is my sausage going to he, waiter?" demanded the impatient diner. "About four and a-half inches, sir."

A clerk was retiring after complet* ing twentyfive years of faithful service. On his last day at the ofSce his etaployer presented him with a large on velope and said:. "This is a token .of my esteem," The clerk opened it and fotrnd, a portrait of his employer. ' 'What do you think of the giftt" "It's just like you, " came. the ciyptic reply, «S> $ «$> The train had been held up for eever* al minutes and the guard was tired of answering questions. "What is wrong, guard?" asked yet another passenger, an, impoftant-look-ing young man. * "Well, sir," said the guard, eonfidentially, "the signalman over there has got red hair and we .can't get the engine to pass the box."-

Two men walking through some fields met a farmer with his dog. .The dog sat down and began to howl. "Whatever's the matter with him?" asked one of the men. "Oh, he's lazy," replied the farrner. "But, good gracious, there must be something wrong for him to howl like that. ' ' "Oh, no! He's sitting on a thistle, and he's too lazy to get up!" 5> 3> 3> .J *> "What' the matter?" "Oh, my husband is so absent-minded After breakfast he left a tip on the table, and when I handed him his ha! he gave me another tip." "Well, that's nothing lo worry about Just force of habit.-" "That's what worries me. He kissed me when I gave him his overcoat."