HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 190, 28 August 1937, Page 13

HUMOUR

*'Yes," said the . old. man to his visitor, "I am'proud.of my 'girls and I'd like to see them comfortably married. " As I have made a little money they will1 not ■ go • penniless to their nvisbands. There is MaTy> twenty-five years old, and a gOod-lOoking girl. I'll give . her £200, when sbe marries. Tben comos Elizabetk, wbo won't see thirty-flve again- :I sball glve her £600, and the man who takes Eliza, who is f orty, will have £1,000 witlx her. ' ' The visitor .reflocted a moment and asked:* "You haven't one about fifty, have you?"

The i engineer engeged in . a railway enteiprise in South America was seekipg; local support for a road and atteinpted'to give the mattor point. He w asked a'native: — - "How long doss it ta'ke to carry your ■ goods to market on mulebaek?" * "Thxee days," -was the reply. • "There's the - point, ' 3 said the • engin- • eer. "^ifh our.xoad in- operation yon could take your goods tq rnarkct and be' back "home in- one day. ' ' "Very good,' ' answered the native, •'but what* would we dowiththc other tiro days," "

A Hollywodd magnate* was a very poor golfer and mighty ignorant as well. One day he was going round with. a bishop and had.a real off-day. After eveiy foojde.he would indulge, in' a hearty burst of profanity. The bishop, very shoeked, admonished him. 'Ti! don't Tespect m'e, . sir,"" said he, "you should at least respect the t cloth. ' 7 "Cloth, nothing!" . snarled the -other, "we'ain't playing billiards! " ,«> > Mt. Newlyrich managed to get "elected to an esclusive elub. Approaching an old member, he held out .his hand upon which. glittered a huge diamond. With a self-satisfied smirk, he asked: "What would you do if you owned that ? ' 3 The exclusive one looked at the hand and the diamond; then, in accents of aeid politeness, he xeplied: .-"I-'d- sell it and buy a * nail-brush. 3 1

"You- naughty, cruel boy," said the ashionably. dressed woman to -the dungster she found despoiling a* bird's ost. , ",'How can you* be so heattless s to take those eggs? Think of the poor other bird when she comes'back and >} - ■ * • , - "That's all. xight,,' • said the boy, "ie mother bird is' dead." **How ; do -ydn.!knon? 7 7 "•CosT.'sees ;e Yon your •'at.'* ♦ ❖ . ' li* A. woman with a huge brown-paper ueel came-out of- the chiropodist-'s lablishment. She was furiously angiy, , .d "said to the friend awaiting her: ails-himself a chiropodist, and can 't off a dogl^ 3i- » ^ tip^my, to milkman: "My . _v; - s-Ktr "i.Iieu you u... -i^-j yc-i •Vvinv. '-'