HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 184, 21 August 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

j, A housewife found a fiy which had^ >apparently got into the dough during thc bread-making proccss. Meeting the baker a day or two afterwards she stopped him and said: "Oh, I've a c.omplaiut to make about your bread. I found a dead fiy iu one of your loavcs thc other day." The bakev sccmcd dumbfounded for a moment, and then rejflied: "Well, I never. So that's where thc little tfuant 1 we missed out of tho bakehouse- last Weanesday got to, is it?" t

A taxi-driver charged with _ using , violent language protested that the complainant — a woman — was "no lidy". ' "Indeed," said the' magistrate. "41 * wonder if you know a lady when you ; see one." . •. "Gourse I do," answered the drivei indignantly. "Why, only the other day I saw one. She gave me a pound note for a shilling fare an' walked away. ' 'Ere, mum,' I says, 'what about youi change?' 'Don't be a blinking fool,' says she; 'keep it an' get drunk enougli t to lciss your mother-in-law. ' .Now," he ended triumphantly, "that's what I calls a real lidyl " '

"How did yon get on at the dinner last night, dear?" asked the wife at breakfast. "Oh, it was a marvellous evening," replied her husband. ''One of the most interesting I have ever spent. I was talkin^ to a Pole most of the time." "Oh, John!" she cried. "And yon promised me you wouldn't have too much to drink!" S> ' 8> 5> S> In the lift of a big store she noticed . a very attractive poster advertising bcauty treatment. > ■ Out of euriosity she asked the attendant where the beauty parlour was. He ^turned and gave her a good look, noticed presumably that she did not use malce-up at all, and then said, in a ldndly voiee: "You don't want to go there' mucking your iaee about. Why not stay as you are — 'oinely and 'olesome?'f

I A referee was sent to officiate at a cup final between two village teams. Arriving an hour before the game was due to start, he encountered the 'captain of the home side, who introduced his brother. "George," said the football captaiu, ' 'this is the referee. He got an hour to sparc, so I want you to take him Tound the village to see thc siglits. You could let liim see tho briekworks, and then 'avo a stroll round by Farmer J ones'.i duck-pond, and return by way of tho qottage hospital and the ccmetery." $> $> S> II had bccn 'raining Iiard all day, and the nian sitting aloiic in the corner of - the cluo smoking-room looked thoroughly miserable. Another member went up and spoko to him. "nullo, old man," he said, "sorry to see. you so fod-up. Why don't you go and drown your sorrows?" " "My dear chap," answered the other wearily, ''she's inches taller than I ara."