HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 178, 14 August 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

STARTLING ' Two rcaders of the local newspapcr vrote to the editor seeking advice on ;heir troubles. , The first was the father of twixxs, and vanted to know the best way to get xabies over teething trouble. The second vas a man who asked how to protect his irehard from invading swarms of grassxoppers. The editor answered both carefullv, xut unfortunately he mixed thc names, ivith the result that the man who . was blessed with twins got the following reply: "Cover them with straw and set tirc to them, and the pests ill spccdily be settled.'3 On the othcr hand, thc inquircr plagued with grasshoppers read: 1 ' Give them a little castor oil and rub their gums gcntly with a bone ring. 33

"What is cowhide chi'efly used for?33 asked the schooi inspector, A boy raised his hand. "I know, sir,33 he said briglxtly. "Tell the class,33 said the inspector. «'To keep the cow together, sir." ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ Two small girls wero having a tremendous argument, "My daddy's a mounted policeinan,33 said Betty^ "He xides a horse all day.33 "That3s 110 bet.ter than being au jordinary policeman like my daddy,.33 said Peggy proudly^ "Oh, but it~is! 33 said the first child. "If there 3s any trouble^ he can get away quicker3*a - r

Early in the 1900 3s, one of thc fastgrowing Japanese steamship lines ordered two liners from a Scottish shipbuilding firm, Plans were .drawn up in accordance with Tokio3s wishes and a year later the first ship was delivered. Then the Japanese asked to4have the drawings for the second flhip seixt to them for some necessary revisions. When this was done jfche Japanese cancelled the order and built the ship themselves from the Glasgow plans. All went well until the -day of /the launching, when the Japanese-made vessel rolled over and sank. The consternation in Tokio was not alleviated by the almost audible chuekles from Glasgow, where the 'canny shipbuilders were telling their friends how, before returning the designs for "revision,33 they had altered them to shift the centre of gravity over into the starboard coal bunkers.

GOOD GUESS A teacher Ixad been giving a lesson on classicai mythology and.xvas afterwards testiug the pupils3 knowledge. "Who was Bacchus?33 he asked, There was no reply. "Conie, boys," the teacher prompted. , "Venus was the gOddess of love, Mars | tho god of war, Bacchus the god of — 33 "Bookmakcrs! 33 piped one bright lad. S> 2> S> S> I M othcr: Your cousirt Harry has a little babv now. [ Small S011 ("who frequonls the ( iiioma): What is it, >heik or vauip?