HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 172, 7 August 1937, Page 16

HUMOUR

WARNED * A poultry farmer had been losihg chickens from his fantt. He inserted the following advertisement in the local newspaper:— "Anyone found near my chickenhouse at night will be found there the next morning. ' ' No more chickens have been missed. Enthusiastie House Agent: This is a house wit-hout a flaw. Prospective Client: By gosh! What do you walk on? *

THE QUESTION . They sat there holding hands and a deathly silence prevailed. She had a feeling — yes, something told her that he would ask the all-important question. She nerved herself for the words that she knew would surely come and with an appealing glance she turned her face towards Mm. 1 "Why did you trump xny ace?" he thundered. S> ♦ ♦ He was one of those hores who will talk to fellow-passengers in trains. -For an hQur or more he had been telling tales of his business successes and weaTying his- companions with his eoaceit. When the ticket inspector cams into the carriage, the braggart did not atop talking — he merely handed a \ticket to the collector. The latter looked at it and saidj— "Where are you going, sirf" "Can't you read?" shouted tho other. "You've got my ticket, haven't youf" "I've got a ticket, certainly, sir," replied the collector, "but it's for a gold watch."

NO NEED The minister was visiting one of his parishioners, and was talking to her small son. " And do you say your prayers overy night, Jimmy?" asked tho elergyman. "Not every night," blithely replied the lad. 4 'Some nights I don't want anythihg." ♦ ^ ^ ♦ LOST Smith looked dazed and weary as he trudged homewards, and a neighbour asked the reason. . "Well," he said, "my wife told me to take our old cat and lose it. I put it in a'basket and tramped six miles into the country, and if I hadn't followed it I'd never have found my " way home again. " ❖ ♦ ♦ ♦ EASY "Tom, how much does a twelve-pound turkey weighl " asked the teacher, "I dunno," confesse^ Tom.; "Well, what timo does tho nine o 'clock tfain leave?)' "Nine o'clOck." ' '"That's right. Now, how much does a twelve-pound turkey weigh?" 40hl Now I understand — nine pounds.'*

OUT OF LUCK , A party of tourists came upon an | Iuciian brave riding a pony. A heavily burdened squaw walked beslde him. "Why doesn't tlie squaw xide?" asked tho tourist. ' "Ugh," said the Indian, "she's got no pony." The newly-appointed general manager of a group of big hotels was on his first inspection tour. In the scullery of one of the hotels he noticed a particularly gloomy dish-washer. i "Never mind, my good man," ho said, giving the f ellow a friendly tap on the shoulder. "I started as a dishwasher, and now I'm general manager." "And I started as general manager, and now I'm a difli-washer," was -the