HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 142, 3 July 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

»t. A man coming out of a large ifcore. ♦>met a friend, and greeted him /with, "Hello! Still waiting for your wife?7 The other nodded. "But I thought she7d gone,7',said the first man. "I7m almost certain I law her board a bus about ten minutes agc, 1 and she was simply laden rrith par eels. 7 7 "I know,77 agreed. the patient husband. "I'm giving her a good start." 8> S> . S> ; "Madam,77 said the tramp, "I once had a wife and fam7ly of my own — but I couldn7t be contented. I growleTanfJ grumbled at everything — and finally. 3 left home.*77 ',: "Well, here7s a sandwich for you,'* said the housewife. "Mighty few hus bands are as considerate as that.77 ,

Ap Rhys was asked what xegiment he would join in the event of a war, and it was suggested that probably he would like the cavalry. "No,77 he replied in definite tonos. "When they sound the 'Retrea^7 1 dom7t want to be hampered- by ao horse.' 7 ♦ ❖ One Sunday morning the miniiter said that he was sorry to havo to complain about the offertories. "In last Sunday 7s collections,77 he said, "there were no fewer than six but- . tons. I hope such a thing will not occur again." Then, turning to the Bible, he announced the text: "Rend your hearls and not your garmentsj77

As a special treat, Granny was taken to the cinema by her nephew. A good many years had elapsed since her last visit, and talkies were qiiite new to her, After the performanee the old lady was asked how she liked the change. "I think it was fine,'7 she exclaimed, "but I must say I enjoyed the unspeakable ones better.77 ^ It had been an all-night sitting at bridge, and Jones, who had been losdng heavily, mainly owing to the Mgh calis of his partner, reached bursting point when his partner, after calling three no trumps, f ailed to take a trick^ >. "What the deuce did yougo three no trumps on?77 he thundered. "Two kings and six whiskies-and-soda,77 gulped his partner as he reached for the bottle.

He held her in his arins and gazed into her sweet blue eyes. "What would you do if I tried to kiss- " you?77 he asked, heavily. "Yell for father,77 she retorted. He sprang away from her and gulped iiorvonsly. 'Great Scott!" he cried. "I thought l:e was in Paris! " "That*'s right, he is.77 S> "You seem glum to-nigkl,'7 said one football official to another. "Yes. You see, we tipped the referee a fiver to let us win this tie. 77 "And you still lost?" "Yes. I;m afraid he was a wrong ''Mk"