HUMOUR

Hawke's Bay Herald-Tribune, Issue 137, 26 June 1937, Page 18

HUMOUR

[ Testimoxual ' The proprietor of a small town newspaper, in response to an injuiry as - to tlie effectiveness of his small ads., received the following: — "Dear Sir, I am happy to testify to tlie value of your' exccllent paper. > On Tnesday last I lost my wallet coqtaining £15 in Treasury notes. I advertised in your pa'per the same night, and during the following morning found my wallet in the 'pocket of another suit of clothes. Heaven bless you and your stafii for ycur marvellous assistance. . . •" S> S> S> ❖ "Pretend that you have.no toothaehc," said -the i'aitli- curist. "Per.suade yourself that it is all imagination, syggested by an evil powcr. Shy: 'Gct. thee behind me!' " " • "What, and turn it into lumbago?"

SuspiciouF * An old Scotswoman, taken ill, told her daughter to send for' the minister. But the daughter was more modorn than her mother, and sent for the doctor. He found little the matter; and, when he had gone, leaving the daughter fully instructed in the treatment, the old body called down stairs: "Mary, who wis yon young mon?" "He wis the doctor, mither." "Oh, aye!" — after a short pause — "I thocht he wis a leetle too fameeliar for thb meenister,"

Tall Order , A messenger from the stores hailcd • vessel in Southamptoa Docks. "What do you want?" growled the mate. "Got some vegetables for the *Mp, " was the reply. , "All right, you needn't eome ea board; thiow them up one at a time," said the mate. . 4 -. *' "Ahoy, theie, look out! " . shouted the lad, as he threw a small dried pea towards the mate, ' 'I've got a hundredweight of these!"

Confusion A woinan who did not un^erstand the language of business went " ilnto the Bank of England to consult someone about her loan holding. The clerk to whom she talked happened to be rather a grave person. He inquired:— "Is it a case of conversion of Tedemption, madam!" - ' "Conversion? Kedemption?" faltered the woman. ''Er — pardon me, is this the Bank of England or the Church of England?" $> $> J> In a mining camp in Northern Ehodesia a dour employee was taking ; a moonlight stroll about seven o'clock. Ho noticed that the sky was full of fleefihg clouds which looked dark and angry. They were magnificent in their wild mood, lit up by occasional flashes of vivid lightning. As he stood admiring the sc'ene a friend came np and greeted him. "It looks as though it's going to be a wild night, BilH" "I don't know, Jack,'-'' replied1 Bill. "Haven 't had a drink yet.** . '